Study Buddies!
by starbyyou
Summary: The shinigami in the living world expected fighting, but they didn't expect... SCHOOL WORK! With the help of the reluctant Ichigo, they set out to rule the school. insert corny music
1. Shakespeare is my HOMEBOY!

Um…. Right. This is gonna be my first Bleach fanfic. I hope y'all like it. Anyways, this idea came to mind cause they're supposed to be pretending to be high school students, and I don't think that they teach shinigamis they stuff we learn in high school. Right, I live in America, so some of the stuff they learn, I don't think they teach in Japan. They might, but highly unlikely.

Rated T… for TEEN. Cause I got a foul mouth and so do the characters. Also rated T for THESPIAN!

I don't own Bleach. End of story.

Beta'd by the fantasticaltal ZP. (z0mb13-p4nd4-and-5h1n0b1'5-5p1r1t)

**Edit**: Changed the Old English to "early modern English" because a lot of people complained about it so I decided to stop the complaints. XD

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Shakespeare is my HOMEBOY- _Romeo and Juliet!_

Kurosaki Ichigo was happy. In his English class they were going to be studying the plays of one William Shakespeare. He liked Shakespeare. So this wouldn't be all that bad.

"Okay class, you are going to be taking the words of Shakespeare, which are written in early modern English, and put them in your own words. And in English, as this is an English class," said Gohara-sensei.

"Early modern English?" exclaimed Asano Keigo.

"Yes, early modern English" said Gohara-sensei calmly. "Shakespeare lived in the 1600s , that's what they spoke."  
"Then why do we hafta read it, if English has changed since then?"

"Because Shakespeare invented a lot of words that are now used in the English language."

"…..Oh."

"Yes, oh."

The bell rang.

"Class dissmissed. And don't forget to do the assignment, you carnivores!"

Outside Class

"Aw, man. This sucks. Put some old dude's funky English into English," complained Keigo.

"Shakespeare wasn't just some old dude," responded Ichigo.

"What? You mean you actually like this shit!"

"Yes. And it ain't shit."

"You're such a nerd. And a …. NERD! We never want to see you and your vile Old English shit ever again!"

Ichigo rolled his eyes as Keigo and Mizuiro ran away to get away from his "nerdiness."

Ichigo was nearly off the school premises when he was approched, more like surrounded, by the band of shinigamis here on reconnaissance.

"Hey, Ichigo," said Renji.

"Yeah, Renji?"

"Will you… help us with the English assignment?"

"W-What!"

"Well," put in Rukia, "you've been in high school longer than any of us. And you seem to like this Shakespeare."

"No."

"No! Why not? We need to pretend to be high school students and your not going to help?"

"Plenty of students don't do their homework. Why should it matter if you do?"

"But Ichigo…"

"No, not helping. Sorry, you're just SOL. I'm not going to help."

Kurosaki Residence

"I can't believe I'm going to help."

"Well, you are. So let's get started," said Matsumoto, happily.

They all just sat there, staring at the piece of paper. A few minutes passed in this fashion before someone broke the silence.

"Well….what are we supposed to do," said Yumichika.

"Weren't you paying attention to what she said?"

"Um… no, not really," said Ikkaku.

"What?"

"Why should I? Plays are for sissies!"

"grrr….. Well, I'll explain. You read the lines, which don't make sense and write it so they do make sense."

"Oh," said all the shinigamis, except Hitsugaya.

"So, on this one, the 'Wherefore art thou, Romeo?' is basically, where are you, Romeo," stated Matsumoto.

"No," said Ichigo with a dead pan face.

"No! But…how…why…"she questioned, confused.

"Because, wherefore is… kinda like why. It says, why are you called Romeo?"

"Ohhhhhhhhhh."

"But why would the Juliet chick be askin' why he's called Romeo?" questioned Ikkaku.

"Cause Juliet's family doesn't like Romeo's family. She's pretty much saying why did you have to belong to that family. It you weren't, we could be together."

"You really like this kinda shit, don't you."

"It is not shit," exclaimed Ichigo as he chucked a pillow at Ikkaku's bald, shiny head.

"Hey, what was that for!"

"For insulting Shakespeare!"

"Oh, is that it! Sissy!"

"You wanna have a go at it!" yelled Ichigo, standing up.

"Yeah, been itching to kick your ass!" replied Ikkaku, also getting up.

"Stop it, you morons! We are here to do work, not squabble over the play," said Hitsugaya. "Let's get back to the matter at hand."

"Fine."

"Fine."

Death glares from Ichigo to Ikkaku and vice versa.

"And what about this line," asked Matsumoto, completely unfazed by the fight. "The 'star-crossed lovers.'"

"Well, back in Shakespeare's day, if something was 'star-crossed' it was unlucky, doomed from the start."

"Why would the lovers be doomed from the start?" questioned Rukia.

"Cause they're from feuding families. And it foreshadows that things don't go so well for Romeo and Juliet."

"How so?"

"Well, Romeo drinks some poison and he dies. Juliet comes across this and kisses him, to try and get some of the poison in her, but it doesn't work. So she goes all 'O, happy dagger!'" said Ichigo, complete with miming of stabbing yourself.

"Wow, together till the end. How romantic!"

"Anyways, let's see what you've done."

Ichigo looked at Matsumoto's paper, then Rukia's, then Renji's, and so forth and so on. Except Hitsugaya's. He had a feeling that the short captain would yell at him for having the audacity to check and see if he did they work.

"H-Hey! All you guys did was copy what I said! You're supposed to do it yourself!"

"Why," said Renji, with a look that plainly read _"Why is he so surprised at this?" _"You were telling us the answers."

"Why I oughta…" Ichigo lunged for Renji.

And thus a semi-all-out fight between Ichigo, Renji and Ikkaku began (Ikkaku getting involved cause he was still pissed about earlier). Rukia also joined the fight trying to stop Renji and Ichigo. Matsumoto wasn't paying any attention at all, just thinking about if she should get wasted or not. Yumichika wasn't paying attention either, cause he was thinking how anyone would want to change the beauty of Shakespeare's words into average English.

Hitsugaya let out a sigh on annoyance. _Idiots. The whole lot of them._

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wow…. Longer than I thought it would be. Anyways, tell me what you think about it. Also, if you want, tell me about something you would like Ichigo and the others to have a study group about. And give specifics, cause the education learned varies by country and I might not have learned what you have yet, or I won't learn it. And it can be any subject.

Thanks! .!

Gohara-sensei is based off my 9th grade English teacher, Ms. Lopez. Lopez is her maiden name, Gohara is her husband's name. She got it hyphenated. And she calls boys carnivores, in case you were wondering about that. (Tab-sk1llz0rrs!ZP)


	2. Can you EAT it?

Wow, I had two really easy exams today (German & Biology) and had plenty of time to do my second chapter!

**Disclaimer: **Rightyho, I no own Bleach! Oh, and I don't own _Romeo and Juliet_, forgot to mention that last chapter!

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Can you EAT it?

Once again, Ichigo had been roped into helping the shinigami. This time with…math, of all things.

The homework wasn't that bad. It was GEOMETRY, for Christ's sakes. And finding area and volume at that. You'd have to be really stupid not to know how to find area and volume.

And apparently, the shinigami were stupid. Except Hitsugaya.

"Hey, Ichigo! What does this symbol mean?" yelled Renji.

"What symbol! I don't see anything cause your finger's covering it up!" was Ichigo's response.

"Geez, ya don't have to get all pissed off."

Ichigo just looked at Renji. All he had been hearing was "Hey, Ichigo! What…." from the shinigamis since they got in his room.

"Well, what does it mean," asked Ikkaku.

"That…" he paused to look at the symbol, "That's pi."

"Pie?"

"Uh-huh, pi."

Ikkaku then attempted to consume the math homework. And then immediately spat it back out.

"Ugh… tastes disgusting! You said this was pie, ya lying bastard!"

"Uh…" was Ichigo's response as he was in shock at witnessing someone eating paper.

"You did say it was pie, though that is a very ugly looking pie, if you ask me," said Yumichika.

"I didn't say it was pie, as in p-i-e. I said it was pi, p-i!"

"There's a difference," questioned Rukia, with a look of pure stupitidy on her face.

"Yes, stupid, there is a difference! A big difference! One is something you eat and the other is a long ass number!"

"I've never seen a number like that! You're lying!"

"I am not lying! Pi ia an infinite number, meaning it goes on forever. The number is 3.14 with a bunch more numbers following it. The…"

"Then what's with the symbol?" asked Ikkaku, pointing at it.

"Well, if you hadn't interrupted me…."

"I didn't interrupt you!"

"You did it again!

"Shut up, both of you," shrieked Rukia, standing up, in case a fight broke out between the two short-fused shinigami. "Now, then," picking up the paper and thrusting it into Ichigo's face and with a puppy dog face, "Why is there a symbol and not a number?"

Ichigo pushed Rukia away from him and back on the floor.

"Hey!"

"The reason there's a symbol is cause it's a long ass number! Would you want to write it out, every time there was a problem with pi?"

"Eh, no."  
"But why is it called 'pi'," asked Renji.

"To get idiots like Ikkaku to eat the paper."

"W-WHAT! Care to say that again!" Ikkaku roared, jumping to his feet.

"Alright," said Ichigo, also getting to his feet. "To get idiots…"

Ichigo and Ikkaku were popped up side their heads by a very pissed off Hitsugaya, and were now clutching their aching craniums on the floor.

"Eh, Hitsugaya-taichou, you didn't have to punch them. You're too violent," said Matsumoto.

"Matsumoto!" he said, tersly, turning to look at her.

"You need to loosen up, taichou. Is that why your hair's white even though your so young? If that's the case, you'll be as bald as Ikkaku when you start liking girls!"

"Shut up!" He turned back to Ichigo and Ikkaku. "For once, can't you two not fight over every little provocation! Ichigo, just answer the damn question so I can get outa here."

"No one asked you to come, or forced you," Ichigo said with a sullen face.

"I came to make sure Matsumoto doesn't do anything stupid."

"Ah, you do care about me, taichou. That's so sweet!" Matsumoto squealed.

The vein in Hitsugaya's temple started to throb. _Why did I agree to this? Why?_

"Back to Renji's question. I don't know," stated Ichigo.

"You don't know, figures. Your not as smart as you seem," said Ikkaku.

"They never told us why it was called pi."

"Hm… there has to be a reason," said Rukia, placing her hand on her chin. "Hm… um… I've got it! The guy who named it must've been craving pie and decide to name it that, but took off the 'e'."

"Wow… that's got to be it!" exclaimed Renji, with Ikkaku and Yumichika nodding their heads in agreement.

Both Ichigo and Hitsugaya let out a sigh of exsaspiration.

Matsumoto just giggled. _It's so much fun watching people be stupid_.

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fin

Ideas! Please give me ideas. Much happiness and love to those that do!

Also, is there a difference between the pie you eat and the pi in math? I wasn't sure, but I think there is.


	3. Das ist SCHLECHT!

LAST DAY OF SCHOOL! OH YEAH! I'm out of school until August.

Back with the third chappie! Thanks to all who have reviewed! And much more thanks to those who gave ideas!

See other chapters to see if I own it.

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Das ist…SCHLECT!

"Translate the following words and numbers into German. So?" said Ichigo, looking around the paper Rukia had shoved into his face.

"We need your help," said Rukia.

"Tch, I don't need your help," muttered Hitsugaya.

"You said that shinigami dealt with spirits and hollows _everywhere. _And _everywhere_, to me, means the _whole _world. And if you are all over the world, doesn't that mean you should be able to speak _all _of the spoken languages.

"Yes, but I haven't learned German yet."

"Me neither," said Renji.

"I didn't want to learn, it's pointless," said Ikkaku.

"German is such an ugly language. I only learned pretty languages, like French!" said Yumichika.

Ichigo started at Hitsugaya and Matsumoto.

"Of course I know German, it wasn't that hard to learn," stated Hitsugaya.

"Ein Bier, bitte," said Matsumoto.

"Is that a yes or a no," said Ichigo with a deadpan face.

"Ja."

Ichigo let out a sigh. "Fine, let's go."

--Kurosaki Residence, Ichigo's room--

"Why are you two here if you can both speak German," said Ichigo, looking at Matsumoto and Hitsugaya sitting on his bed.

"Cause, it's funny watching you teach things. And I wanna see if you and baldy get in a fight again," respond Matsumoto.

Ichigo stared at Hitsugaya. Hitsugaya just glare right back at him.

"Riiggggggggghhht. On to the German lessons. We will start with numbers. One is eins, two is zwei, three is drei, four is vier, five…"

"Four is fear?" asked Rukia.

"No, vier, v-i-e-r. It kinda sounds like fear, but it's not."

"Oh, okay, continue, please."

"Right, five is fünf, six is sechs,…"

"Hang on, six is sex. Are you serious! That is just too funny," said Ikkaku, who was promptly hit up side the head by Ichigo.

"Get your mind out of the gutter! Six is not sex, it sechs, s-e-c-h-s. Get it right."

"You didn't have to hit me."

"Did to."

"Did not."

"Did…"

"Ichigo, just continue the lesson," interrupted Hitsugaya.

"Spoil sport," muttered Ikkaku under his breath.

"I heard that," said Hitsugaya icily.

"Now where was I… oh, right. Seven is seiben, eight is acht, nine is neun…"

"I thought the Germans had a 'nine'," commented Renji.

"They do, it means no."

"Oh."

"Yes, oh. Ten is zehn, eleven is…," Ichigo hesitated. He knew that Ikkaku or Renji would do something stupid once he said the German word for eleven. Oh well, he had to teach them, or they'd keep _bugging _him. They were damn annoying at times. "Eleven is elf."

"Elf! Elf, are you serious, ha, ha," Ikkaku started laughing like a mad man.

_Should have seen that coming_, thought Ichigo.

After several minutes of Ikkaku and Renji laughing their heads off, Renji joined in shortly after Ikkaku had started, they finally calmed down enough for Ichigo to continue the lesson.

"Twelve is zwölf…"

"Zwölf! Ah, ha ," Ikkaku had started to laugh again.

"Fine, if you're gonna keep interrupting me, I won't teach you!" I'm leaving!" and with that, Ichigo stormed out of his room.

"Why did he leave his own room, because this is his house," said Yumichika.

"Cause his an idiot," replied Ikkaku.

WHAM! A pillow collided with Ikkaku's extremely shiny head.

"HEY! What was that for!"

"You got Ichigo so pissed off that he left! And since he's gone, we have no one to teach us German! This homework is for a grade, you idiot," yelled Rukia.

"Actually, your wrong about him being the only one to teach us German," said Renji.

"Huh? Who else is there to teach us?"

"Hitsugaya and Matsumoto."

"Oh...yeah."

The four of them turned to stare at the aforementioned duo.

"Um… Actually, I just remembered that I promised Orihime that I would help her with German homework! Gotta go!" Matsumoto practically sprinted from the bed to the door.

"H-hey, Matsumoto," her taichou shouted. "You'd better not leave me here with these idiots." Too late, the door slammed shut and you could hear her thundering down the stairs. _Damn you, Kurosaki, Matsumoto! I swear, I'm never gonna forgive you for this! _

-- A Few Hours Later--

_Damn, I can't believe that I ran away from my own room. Why didn't I just force them to leave? I live here! _Were the thoughts as Ichigo walked up the stairs to his bedroom. He opened the door to find the four non-German speaking shinigami sitting around Hitsugaya.

"W-what are you still here for?"

"Eh, Ichigo? Oh, you're back. Where'd you go?" asked Renji.

"Hey, I'm the one asking questions here! Why haven't you people left my room?"

"Hitsugaya has been teaching us German," chirped in Rukia.

"So? What does that have to do with you being in _my _room? He could have taught you German someplace else!"

"Um… I don't know."

"You're hopeless!"

"How am I hopeless!"

"Cause your still in my room when I've been gone for hours!"

"So! W…"

"It's obvious that we aren't wanted here anymore, so let's go," interrupted Hitsugaya.

"Yes, sir," muttered all the shinigami.

Renji left for Urahara's via the window and likewise for Ikkaku and Yumichika for Keigo's house. Rukia headed for the room she shared with Yuzu and Karin.

Hitsugaya was the last to leave, and as he left, he whispered, "You are going to regret leaving me with those imbeciles for all those hours." And he was gone.

_I am a dead man_, thought Ichigo.

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Right, I got lazy and didn't feel like typing what Hitsugaya went through with the others. Though it was most definitely hell and then some, in my mind, and probably y'alls as well, giving the behavior exhibited with Ichigo. Or unless until he threatened to kill them all.

This is gonna be the first of the foreign language lessons. There shall be more German, as they only know the numbers. Hitsugaya couldn't stand to teach them anything more than that. And perhaps some French with the help of Ahotep, cause I don't know any French, 'cept bon jour.

Please submit ideas, even if you don't like the story.

Oh, and the title means "that is…..bad " (don't ask why that's the title, it just is) and Matsumoto says "one beer, please."


	4. Medulla Oblon what

dum de dum. As school is out, I have nothing better to do than write fanfiction, oh, and read the summer reading, … and look for a summer job. But that's okay; I'll do those things later.

So do not own Bleach.

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Medulla Oblon-what 

"Use Chapter 23 to answer the following questions." The paper read.

"So, Chapter 23 it is," Ichigo said as he sat on the floor in his room surrounded by shinigami, yet again. He quickly flipped the pages in the textbook until he reached Chapter 23. "Hey, where are your textbooks?" as he realized that none of them had one.

"Oh, I forgot…" began Rukia.

"Did not. Remember we said we were gonna copy the answers from Ichigo since the textbooks are too damn heavy," interjected Matsumoto.

"Matsumoto!" yelled the shinigami.

"Huh," she looked at their faces that all read'you-idiot-you-weren't suppose-to-say-that'and then at Ichigo's pissed off one, "oh, oops. Forgot that he was here, hee hee."

"You were gonna copy from me, eh? Well then you can just forget about this whole thing!" shouted Ichigo.

"NO, Ichigo, please, we really need your help. In fact, I have an idea. You give us hints to figure out the answer, after you've read the text, so we can do work as well," supplied Rukia.

"Fine," he said sullenly.

_Thank God I thought of that, otherwise we wouldn't have gotten help with this stupid homework, _thought Rukia.

"So, the first question is, 'The brain is part of the -blank space here-nervous system as well as the -blank space here- nervous system," read Renji.

"Hang on, there are two nervous systems, I thought there was just one," said Ikkaku.

"No, the nervous system is divided into two, and those divisions are divided as well," said Ichigo as he read the pages. "Ah, found it. Now you have to guess!"

"Shit."

"So, first blank. Um… I can't come up with a hint, so I'll just tell you that the answer is central."

"Really, yay!" exclaimed Rukia.

"But I gotta a hint for the second blank. What's the vision were you can see out the corner of your eyes?"

"Uh, the 'out of the corner of your eyes nervous system'," suggested Ikkaku.

"No, idiot!" Ichigo said as he punched Ikkaku. "There's a special name for it."

"How was I supposed to know! We don't learn these things in Soul Society!"

"So? You should know it, you dumbass!"

"Hey…"

"It's peripheral," said Hitsugaya.

"Oh, really, um… thanks Hitsugaya," said Renji.

"Whatever."

"Question two, 'Label the parts of the brain in Diagram 23-1.'"

Ichigo looked at the page of the brain in the textbook and then pointed to the top of the brain. "Okay, this is the…"

"Well, aren't you going to tell us," said Ikkaku.

"You have to guess!"

"How're we supposed to know what that is? We don't know, we're not…."

"It's the cerebrum," said Hitsugaya.

"Oh, thank you, taichou," said Matsumoto.

Hitsugaya pointed to the little blank lines drawn from the crappy brain picture on the page saying, "That's the corpus callosum, that's the thalamus, that's the hypothalamus, that's the cerebellum, the pons, the medulla oblongata, and the spinal cord."

"Showoff," muttered Ikkaku.

"Do you have a problem," asked Hitsugaya threateningly.

"Uh, nope, no I don't."  
"Good."

"Okay then, question three, 'The cerebral cortex is composed of and supported by. Here's a hint, they got colors in their name," said Ichigo.

"Um…what color?" questioned Matsumoto.

"You have to guess."

"Um…black?"

"No."

"Red?"

"No."

"White?"

"Yes."

"Huh…really. I got one right."

"Part of one right."

"Hey, don't spoil my happiness. Science isn't my thing and I got something right, so yay me!" Matsumoto exclaimed, doing a short victory dance, sitting down.

"…"

"We still need to guess the color of the other blank, right?" asked Rukia.

"And which blank the white goes in, and what the colors describe," pointed out Yumichika.

"Oh, yeah. So Ichigo, which blank is it?"

"The second one, wait," Ichigo paused, looking in the book. "Yeah, the second blank."

"So, is the first blank…um…yellow?"

"No."

"Is it grey," guessed Renji.

"N-yes."

"Serious, cause you started to say no."

"Yes, it's grey. Now all you have to guess is the second word."

"Is it the same for both blanks," asked Rukia.

"Yes."

"Will you give us a hint, then? We're not psychic," said Ikkaku.

"Yes, if you weren't so impatient. The hint is that everything here is made of this."

"Am not impatient, am I, Yumichika," Ikkaku asked his buddy.

"Well, you can be at times," Yumichika responded.

"'At times,' what sorta friend are you?"

"I'm…"

"Can you just get on with the guessing," interrupted Hitsugaya.

"Fine. Hey wait, why haven't you been guessing too," said Ikkaku.

"Cause I've already finished it," Hitsugaya said, showing his homework briefly.

"Y-y-you've already finished it? Then why are you still here!"

"It's interesting seeing you struggle through something so easy."

"Easy for you, maybe," Ikkaku muttered under his breath.

"Haven't you learned not to mutter under your breath yet, cause I can hear you just fine."

"Uh…s-sorry."

"So, is anyone gonna guess the answer," asked Ichigo.

"Well, you said it was what everything here is made of," Ikkaku said, thinking he would bring back some of his pride, cause he knew the answer to this. "Then it is reishi."

"Wrong."

"W-wrong! How so?" Needless to say, Ikkaku was shocked that his answer was wrong.

"Maybe in the Soul Society everything is made of reishi, but this isn't Soul Society. It's earth."

"So what's stuff made of on earth, genius boy?"

"You are the ones that have to guess. I have the textbook, remember?"

"Oh, yeah."

"I know, the answer is matter," said Renji.

"Yes, grey and white matter," affirmed Ichigo.

_Not fair_, thought Ikkaku. _I was supposed to make myself look smart on that question. I will definitely do it on the next one._

"Okay, next question. The -blank space here-­­­­ is the only structure of the brain stem visible as it connects with the spinal cord," read Matsumoto.

_Or maybe not. I don't know this one._

"Is it the medulla oblongata?" asked Yumichika.

"Yes," answered Ichigo.

"How did you know that," asked Ikkaku, with a look of surprise on his face.

"Well," said Yumichika, holding up his paper and pointing to the picture of the brain they had labeled. "I just looked at this picture, no matter how ugly it is, because you can see right here the medulla oblongata attached to the spinal cord."

"O-oh."

"Yeah, oh, ya idiot," said Ichigo. "Even you could have gotten that right, if you paid any attention."

"And just what are you implying, Kurosaki.

"I'm not implying anything. I'm saying that you are stupid."

"That does it! I'm gonna kick you ass!"

"Like hell you will," Ichigo yelled back, accidentally throwing the heavy textbook in Ikkaku's direction, which hits him on the head and knocks him out cold. "Oops."

"Well maybe now we can actually get some work done," was a comment given by the short captain.

--A few hours later—

"And that's the last question," said Ichigo, closing the textbook.

"W-what? The last question? You mean to say that you guys worked on it without me?" said Ikkaku, who had just regained consciousness.

"Uh, yeah. We had no clue how long you'd be out. So why wait when we could just work on it ourselves. But it still took longer than I expected, cause Matsumoto and Renji made up for you absence."

"Grr…"

"Here," said Yumichika, thrusting his paper at Ikkaku. "You can copy mine."  
"Seriously." Yumichika nodded his head. "Yumichika, you're the best friend anyone can ask for."

"I know," said Yumichika, happily, with that smile of his coming on to his face.

"So," said Ichigo after a few minutes of silence. "GET THE HELL OUTA MY HOUSE!"

And with that, the shinigami all departed to the current resting places.

"Geez… don't know how much more of this I can take," Ichigo muttered to himself. "This is driving me crazy."

"Actually, you're already crazy," said Kon, coming out of his hiding spot in the drawer. "They say that talking to yourself is the f….."

Kon was cut off as Ichigo kicked the drawer closed.

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Woohoo, another chapter down! Thanks to all who have reviewed and will review.

Ideas, please. There is so much knowledge available for their learning that I need help in picking what to do next.

also, wikipedia says that studies say we use more than 10 of our brains, cause a bunch of people say we only use ten percent.

wikipedia also says that dumb people use more of their brains than smart people. go figure.


	5. Enlighten Me

Dude, so many people are reading this. Makes me über happy!

I am so cheesy. Once you read the title and figure out what they are learning, you will sooooooooo agree with me.

NO OWN BLEACH! And I don't own the questions either. Those belong to my world history teacher, Roy Adamcik.

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Enlighten Me

"The Enlightenment. What's the deal about it?" asked Ikkaku.

"It changed the way people thought about things. That you shouldn't accept what others say as true," was Ichigo's response.

"But I thought that it happened in Europe. This is JAPAN! Why do we have to learn about it?"

"Cause it's for WORLD HISTORY! That subject covers everything that happened in the whole world, not to mention a bunch of things we do in science started then."

"So?"

"Just do the worksheet and stop complaining," said Hitsugaya.

"Fine, but I won't like it," grumbled Ikkaku as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"No one said you had to like it, just do it."

"So, all we have to do is write down the person who goes with the information given and the opposite for the second part," stated Yumichika.

"Yeah," said Ichigo.

"So, first question. 'The best type of government is one in which there is a separation of powers for all levels concerned,'" read Matsumoto. "Who's that?" she asked with a clueless look.

"Um…I know it's a French dude," said Renji.

"Most philosophers of the Enlightenment were French," commented Ichigo.

"Shut up!" said Renji, with a slight blush of embarrassment creeping up his neck.

"Is it Montesquieu?" asked Yumichika.

"Yeah," said Ichigo.

"How do you know that," shouted Ikkaku. "You don't have a textbook!"

"We took notes on it during class."

"We did?"

"Yes."

"How come I didn't get a copy?"

"You were supposed to write them yourself."

"Oh."

"Yes, oh."

"Next question," said Rukia. "'The ideal government is one based on the free choice of the people, also called popular sovereignty."

"Oh, that's Rousseau," answered Yumichika.

"You took notes, didn't you," questioned Ikkaku.

"Yes," he answered brightly, that smile popping into place.

"How come _I _was the only one who didn't know about taking notes!"

"Cause you're stupid," said Ichigo. "Didn't you notice everyone else writing?"

"Well, yes. But what does that have to do with the notes?"

"If you notice everyone else writing, you should start writing too."

"But WRITE what!"

"What the teacher is saying, idiot!"

"How was I supposed to know that!"

"It's common sense!"

"I…"

"SHUT UP! Can we please just finish the worksheet, I'm getting a headache from your stupid argument," said Hitsugaya.

"Y-yes, sir," said Ichigo and Ikkaku in unison, for Hitsugaya looked extremely pissed off.

"Question three," said Rukia cheerfully in an attempt to brighten the mood. "Who said 'I do not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it'?"

"Voltaire," said Renji.

_Damn_, thought Ikkaku. _I feel really stupid right now._

"'Men and women are equal. Eq…'"

"Wollstonecraft," exclaimed Matsumoto.

"What kinda guy would say something like that," commented Ikkaku.

All of a sudden, Renji, Ichigo, and Yumichika scrambled away from Ikkaku as Matsumoto and Rukia pounced on him. He didn't look so pretty when the two were finished in five minutes. He was unconscious.

"Wollstonecraft was a chick," said Ichigo softly.

-- 30 Minutes Later --

"…gravity," Ikkaku heard Rukia answer.

"Ugghh…" he moaned. He felt like shit.

"He's already up," said Rukia in surprise.

"I think he's becoming immune," said Matsumoto.

"I agree, he's been getting knocked unconscious lately," said Yumichika.

"Shut up! I can hear you talking about me!" shouted Ikkaku.

"We know," said Ichigo. "So, what did Benjamin Franklin do?"

"Hey, isn't he that guy who got electrocuted by lighting cause he was flying a kite with a key on it during a storm." (AN: The Mythbusters (show in America) have disproved this. Ben Franklin would have died if struck by a lighten bolt)

Everyone stared at Ikkaku with looks of surprise written all over their faces. "HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT!" they all exclaimed.

"What? Does it surprise you? I thought it was interesting, so I remembered it."

"Okay. But…wow," said Rukia.

"Enough already! I get the point that you surprised. Can we please drop it? I don't see what's so surprising about it. It's not like I'm stupid or anything."

"Right, so, what did Gotfried von Leibnitz do?" asked Hitsugaya, knowing that if someone didn't get back to the homework, Ikkaku was going to attack the next person who spoke.

"Uh…doesn't he have something to do with…" said Renji, breaking off to think.

"Math," supplied Ichigo.

"Yeah, that's it! It was something like… cal…cal something."

"Calculus."

"Yeah, that's it!"

Ichigo just shook his head.

"Hey, why are you shaking your head?"

"No reason."

"Come on, tell me."

"I just felt like shaking my head. Why do you think I was shaking my head?"

"Cause you think I'm stupid."

_That's cause you are, _thought Ichigo. "Well, I wasn't shaking my head for the reason you said. Can't a person just shake his head without any accusations?"

"I think you bullshitin' me."

"Next question," said Rukia. "Copernicus and Kepler did what?"

"Heliocentric," fired off Ichigo.

"Helicopter?" asked Ikkaku.

"No, he-li-o-cen-tric," Ichigo stressed.

"What's that?"

"The theory that earth revolves around the sun."

"Hang on."

"What?"

"Didn't the Enlightenment happen in the 1600s?"

"Yeah."

"So, what were people thinking before then, that the sun revolved around the earth?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Are you serious? Were the people stupid?"

"Yeah, they also thought the earth was flat."

"…"

"So, the next question is about Lavoisier," said Yumichika.

"Conversation of matter," said Matsumoto.

Ichigo snickered.

"What's so funny," asked Renji.

"I'm remembering the last time we dealt with matter."

"What…oh, yeah," Renji started to snicker as well.

"Hey, shut up!" shouted Ikkaku "You're thinking about when I guessed reishi for that white and grey matter thing, aren't you?"

This caused everyone else to remember, which set them to laughter.

"Shut up! It's not that funny! I said shut up! Are you even listening to me? Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!"

They just kept laughing.

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Pleas for ideas, once more.

Next time, we ish having … EGG BABIES! Egg babies are something you do in home ec. It's really fun, and funny, too, cause you have to care them EVERYWHERE! How will those manly men shinigami handle this?


	6. Eggs Are People Too

This is probably going to be one of the longer chapters, maybe the longest. It's a project that covers three days. I'm not going to divide it up, I'm too lazy.

DON'T OWN BLEACH! Or Finding Nemo.

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Eggs are People too

"Egg babies! What the hell are egg babies?" exclaimed Keigo.

The group was currently in their home ec., short for home economics, class. The teacher was in the midst of announcing a rather strange project.

"Egg babies, Asano, are eggs that you shall be caring for over the course of two days. It is to see if you are mature and responsible enough to care for a child," said Weth-sensei.

"We're not old enough to have kids!" Keigo exclaimed in his over-dramatic way.

"Actually, you are. You've gone through puberty. Well, most of you," Weth-sensei said with a sidelong glance at Hitsugaya. "Not to mention, the idea came from America, where they do it in middle school. You are in high school and therefore should be more mature than middle school students, though I have my doubts on some of you."

"It's no use," Mizuiro whispered to Keigo. "You can't win against her logic, Keigo. Give it up."

"Right," said Weth-sensei, completely ignoring Keigo's dramatic "Utter defeat" act. "For this project you shall receive an egg. The color of the 'diaper' indicates the 'gender' of the egg. Next…"

"Sensei, how do you know which gender it is by the color?" asked random student guy person thingie.

"Pink is girl, blue is boy," said Weth-sensei in a tone of disbelief.

"Oh."

"Anyways, next you shall be given a 'birth certificate' on which you must write the name you give the egg. Yes, you must name the egg, Madarame. Also, you have to carry the egg around, wherever you go, even the bathroom."

"What!" exclaimed Ikkaku and Keigo.

"Don't give me that! You need to learn responsibility. … now, where was I, oh, yes, you can have people babysit the egg for you. All you need to do is have them sign this form," she said, pointing to the paper. "Oh! And you need to make your egg a face. That's all."

-- 10 Minutes Later --

"So, we have to name these things," said Renji. "Well, I'm gonna call mine………. Bob."

"Bob?" questioned Rukia.

"I couldn't think of anything else. What about you?"

"Mine's going to be called…. CHAPPY!" Rukia exclaimed happily.

_Should have seen that coming,_ thought both Renji and Ichigo.

"And you, Ichigo?"

"Will," he responded.

"Why Will?"

"It's short for William."

"Why that?"

"Cause of William Shakespeare."

"Oh," said Rukia with a 'you-are-so-strange' look on her face. "And you, Matsumoto?"

"Mine's in honor of Ikkaku," Matsumoto said.

"Really?" guestioned Ikkaku excitedly.

"Yeah…FOR YOUR _BALD _HEAD!" She started to laugh uncontrolablely.

"Hey, that's not funny!"

"So, what's its name?' asked Rukia.

"Baldy," Matsumoto said, then resumed laughing her ass off.

"And you, Ikkaku?"

"Mine's called Pos."

"Pos?"

"Stands for piece of shit."

"Oh, how…inventive."

"I know, isn't it."

_She was being saracastic_, thought everyone.

"And you, Yumichika? Hey, where's Yumichika?" asked Rukia, looking around.

"I'm right here," he said, holding an extremely girly looking egg.

"You do know that it's a 'boy,'" commented Ichigo.

"It is?" questioned Yumicika with a look of stupidity plastered across his face.

"Yeah," said Renji. "The 'diaper' is blue."

"Oh, well then. Gabriel is getting in touch with his feminine side! Doesn't he look pretty?"

"Uh…yeah, sure."

"Oh, Hitsugaya, what did you call your egg?" asked Rukia.

"Squishy," responded Hitsugaya.

Everyone stared at him.

"What?"

"Squishy? It just doesn't seem like you, taichou," said Matsumoto.

"Yeah, it's very childish. And completely random," said Renji.

"So?" was Hitsugaya's response.

They just kept staring.

"Fine! I was watching Finding Nemo last night. Squishy is from a line that Dory says that I like," said Hitsugaya, looking a tad embarrassed.

"Finding Nemo is a kid's movie," stated Ichigo.

"And your point is?"

"N-n-nothing."

"That's what I thought."

The bell rings.

"Don't forget your eggs," shouted Weth-sensei over the noise of the class leaving. "Don't crack them either!"

-- After School, Day One, Matsumoto & Hitsugaya --

"I'm going to take a bath with Baldy, 'k, taichou."

"Baldy is an egg, Matsumoto. Why are you taking a bath with it?"

"Weth-sensei said to be responsible, like you were taking care of an actual baby. So, we're going to take a bath!" she exclaimed happily as she skipped off to the bathroom.

_School has destroyed the brain cells that sake hasn't_, thought Hitsugaya as he turned a page in the book he was reading. _It really has._

-- Ikkaku & Yumichika--

"Get away from me, Yumichika!"

"I just want to make Pos as pretty as Gabriel!"

"No!"

"Why not! It's ugly! So ugly that I can't stand it!"

"That's the point! Its name is piece of shit! Why can't you get that through your thick skull!"

"What! Are you saying my skull is ugly!"

"N-no!"

Yumichika launched himself at Ikkaku. "Let me make the egg pretty!"

Ikkaku kicked Yumichika square in the chest. "Hell no!"  
Yumichika slumped to the floor, unconscious.

"Yumichika? Uh…oops."

--Renji--

"Hey mister, why are you carrying around an egg?" asked Jinta.

"It's for school."

"They make you carry around an _egg _in high school! That's so weird."

"I know." Renji went to his room, dropped off his egg, then preceded to the bathroom.

"Hey, Ururu. I've got an idea. Why don't…" Jinta whispered his diabolical plan to steal Renji's Bob.

"But what if Tessai or Owner catches us?"

"They won't, trust me."

"Ok then."

And so the two youngster of Urahara's shop snuck up to Renji's temporary bedroom. Then quietly opened the door, snuck in and grabbed the egg. All would have been flawless, if Renji didn't happen to come back from the bathroom at an inopportune moment for them.

"H-hey! What the hell do you think your doing with Bob!"

"You named your egg! That's so stupid!" shouted Jinta as he ran out of Renji's room with Ururu trailing close behind.

"Get back here, you brats!" Renji started chasing them.

"Come on, Ururu, run faster! He's gaining on us!" Jinta yelled, turning around to see Ururu with Renji hot in pursuit.

"Um, okay. Oh, Mr. Tessai!"

"Where!" He faced forward again. "Oh SHIT!" Jinta ran into Tessai's chest. Bob would have died if not for Tessai's speedy like reflexes.

"You saved Bob!" exclaimed Renji.

"What? Are you in love with the egg or something?"

"HELLS NO! If it broke, I would have failed the project! Is that what you were trying to do, break my egg?"

"NO! We…"

"You stole his egg?" asked Urahara from behind his fan.

"O-Owner! No! We didn't!"

"Yes we did," said Ururu. "It was Jinta's plan."

"Ururu!"

"Well then, I believe a punishment is awaiting you, eh, Tessai," stated Urahara.

"Yes, sir."

"W-wha? No!"

-- Ichigo & Rukia --

"I'm home," said Ichigo as he walked into his home, closely followed by Rukia. Isshin soon launched himself at Ichigo, yelling "WELCOME HOME, ICHIGO!"

"Dad, be careful!" Ichigo shouted as he deflected his father's attack. "I'm carrying Will!"

"Will?"

"My home ec project. We have to take care of an egg for two days."

"Why?"  
"So we can start learning to take care of children."

"LEARNING TO TAKE CARE OF CHILDREN!"

"Yes."

"BUT YOUR NOT OLD ENOUGH TO TAKE CARE OF CHILDREN!"

"Yes, I am."

"NOT WHILE YOU LIVE IN MY HOUSE!"

"Come on, Rukia. Let's go upstairs."

"Okay."

So the two walked up to Ichigo's room. As soon as they entered his room, they heard the unmistakable sounds of Kon.

"Rukia-nee-san!"

"Hello, Kon."

"H- what's with the eggs? Don't tell me! You've been sleeping with Ichigo and those are your future children."

"Idiot. Humans don't lay eggs," said Ichigo.

"Oh, thank God. I wouldn't know why Rukia would want to be with you!"

"She wouldn't want to be with a stuffed animal either."

"S-shut up! Of course she would. Who wouldn't want to be with something as cute, adorable…"

Ichigo kicked Kon into the closet and immediately slammed the door shut.

"HEY ICHIGO! WHY DID YOU DO THAT! WHEN I GET OUT…"

Ichigo and Rukia just rolled their eyes and ignored Kon's cries as the worked on their homework.

-- Day Two, At School --

"What's up with those two," asked Ichigo, motioning to Ikkaku and Yumichika.

"Ikkaku knocked Yumichika out yesterday when he was trying to make Pos pretty," said Matsumoto.

"Ah."

"I hate this project," said Renji.

"Why?"

"Urahara's brats tried to break Bob."

"Oh."

"Anything strange happen cause of the eggs to you two?" asked Matsumoto.

"Kon thought me and Rukia were having kids."

"Kon?"

"He's a modified soul we put into a stuffed animal," said Rukia. "He was the thing that went after your boobs on your first day in the living world."

"Oh. You put a modified soul into a stuffed animal? Why?"

"Urahara sold it to me by accident. We put it in Ichigo's body, thinking it was soul candy, and it caused mayhem. But we kept it and put it in the toy."

"I see."

"Did anything weird happen with the two of you?" asked Renji.

"No," said Hitsugaya. "Unless you count the fact Matsumoto took a bath with her's."

"Yeah, well, you were watching Finding Nemo with yours!" exclaimed Matsumoto in retaliation.

"What! No I wasn't!"

"Yes you were!"

"You were watching Finding Nemo. Didn't you watch it the night before too?" asked Ichigo.

"Yeah, but so…"

"I think somebody's obsessed."

"So I like a movie about a fish! Big deal! Get over it!"

The bell rang.

"Okay class, everyone in your seat and egg babies up at the front," the teacher said as she walked in.

-- After School, Day Two, Ichigo's House --

"Tomorrow. Tomorrow is the day we get rid of these stupid eggs," said Ikkaku in relief.

"I know what you mean," said Renji.

"Can I please make someone's egg pretty?" Yumichika pleaded.

"NO!" everyone shouted.

"Ah…why not?" he asked, on the verge of tears.

"Cause its due tomorrow, so there is no point in making them pretty," said Ichigo.

"But…"

"Just drop it," said Ikkaku.

"Fine! You're all meanies! I'm leaving!" And with that, Yumichika stood up, grabbed Gabriel and left Ichigo's house via the window.

"Joy, I go home to a pissed off Yumichika. Fun."

"That didn't sound right," said Ichigo.

"How so?"

"It sounds like the two of you are a couple."

"Oh God! You're sick! How could you think something like that!"

"Welll… the two of you are always together and…."

"It was a rhetorical question! If you're goin' to make fun of me by insulting my sexual preference then I'm leaving as well!" And he too left out the window.

"They're a couple," stated Renji and Ichigo. In unison!

"Yeah, probably," agreed Hitsugaya.

Matsumoto just shrugged and Rukia looked clueless.

"Why are all of you here anyways? For some reason, we didn't have homework tonight," said Ichigo.

"I don't want to be with Urahara's brats. They'll try and steal Bob," said Renji.

"I think you've grown attached to your egg."

"Have not! I want to pass and they will try and break it!"

"Uh-huh, sure."

"You don't believe me!"

"No shit."

"Wh…"

"Please, no fighting. You might hurt my Chappy!" exclaimed Rukia.

"And my Baldy," said Matsumoto.

_I'm surrounded by egg-loving idiots_, thought Ichigo and Hitsugaya.

"I think we should go home, we've bugged Ichigo enough," said Hitsugaya.

"Okay then," said Matsumoto.

And so, the three not living with Ichigo left.

"Rukia-nee-s…" Kon was cut off as Ichigo slammed the drawer closed before Kon could immerge.

-- Turning in the egg --

"Yes! We are done with this stupid project!"

"No more Will."

"Goodbye, my Baldy."

"C-Chappy, I'll miss you."

"My most beautiful creation. I shall miss you Gabriel."

"Bye Bob."

"This was pointless." Sigh.

"Well, that wasn't so bad," said Ichigo.

"Yeah. It was rather interesting," said Renji.

"We learned things about people we didn't know before," commented Rukia.

"Like how Hitsugaya likes 'Finding Nemo,'" said Ichigo.

"Grrr….SHUT THE HELL UP! I swear, why can't a watch a movie? It's very interesting."

"Yeah, for little kids," said Ikkaku.

"What did you just say?"

"Uh…nothing."

"Oh, really, cause I heard something."

Hitsugaya punched Ikkaku. He was out cold. _Nobody makes fun of me. _

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so long, my arm hurts. I love Dory from "Finding Nemo." "I shall call him squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my squishy"- I love this quote. Tis where Hitsugaya gets his egg's name.

Ideas, bitte.

See you next chapter.


	7. Bienvenue

I have decided to spread the love of teaching something to another character! They're learning French. Can't make any sound jokes cause I only know had to say 1-3 in French cause of the time I heard friends of mine taking French talking about a tape they had to listen to in French that said 1-3.

Much thanks goes to all those have reviewed. And to all those who have given ideas.

Don't own Bleach, you should know this by now.

**EDIT**: I have edited this chapter, cause I just realized that the Spanish and French words for four don't sound the same. I blame Top Chef. DX

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Bienvenue chez les mangeurs de grenouilles 

"French…isn't my forte," said Ichigo bluntly.

"Wha! Then what are we supposed to do!" exclaimed Rukia.

"I'll be happy to teach you French!" said Yumichika happily.

"R-really?"

"Yes."

"Thank you, Yumichika."

"Your welcome. I'm happy to spread beautiful languages."

"Sometimes when you're like this, I wonder how you came to be in 11th squad," said Ikkaku.

"Huh?" said Yumichika with a clueless look.

"Never mind."

-- Ichigo's House --

"Um…why do we always have to do this at my place?" asked Ichigo, sounding a bit pissed off.

"Do you really wan to do this at Urahara's place?" asked Renji.

"No. But… we could always go to a library."

"Um…we just feel like doing it at your place, and if you don't like it, just get over it," said Matsumoto.

"Fine."

"So, Yumichika. Can you please start teaching us how to count in French now?" asked Rukia.

"Of course. Zero is zro, 1 is un, 2 is deux, 3 is trois, 4 is quatre…"

"That looks a lot little like the Spanish word for four," commented Ichigo.

"You speak Spanish?" asked Matsumoto.

"Uh…no. Chad tried to teach me Spanish, but I only remember up to…10, I think."

"Oh. What's the Spanish word for four?"

"Cuatro."

"You said it out loud!!! How am I suppose to know what it looks like!?"

"I……."

"Enough already! I'm continuing now."

"Yes, sir," the two exclaimed in surprise.

"5 is cinq, 6 is six…"

"Six, but isn't that what it is in English?" questioned Renji.

"English has a bunch of words that have French origins."

"Oh."

"7 is sept…"

"As in September! So, that would make it the seventh month, wait…" said Matsumoto as she paused to figure this out. "September is the ninth month, not the seventh!"

"It used to be the seventh month," said Hitsugaya.

"Are you serious!"

"Yes."

"Then why didn't they change it?" asked Ikkaku.

"I don't know!" Yumichika exclaimed.

"Geez, no need to get pissed off."

"Grrr…. 8 is huit, 9 is neuf, 10 is dix, 11 is onze, 12 is douze, 13 is treize, 14 is quatorze…"

"Vertigo," Ichigo snickered.

Wha- Vertigo?"

"It's a song by U2. Quatorze looks a little like catorce. The intro of the song goes uno, dos, tres, catorce."

"What's so funny about that?" asked Ikkaku cluelessly.

"Translated from Spanish: 1, 2, 3, 14."

"Oh. I still don't get what's so funny about that."

"Never mind."

"Continuing," said Yumichika, starting to sound a little aggravated. "15 is quinze, 16 is seize, 17 is dix-sept, 18 is dix-huit, 19 is dix-neuf…"

"Hey, the last numbers you said are a combination of 10 and a number, right?" asked Renji.

"Yes."

"That's like the German numbers after 12, except in French 10 comes first and in German 10 comes last."

"How very observant of you," said Yumichika, trying to control his anger. "20 is vingt, 21 is vingt-et-un, 22 is vingt-deux…."

"Why is twenty-one vingt-et-un whereas twenty-two is vingt-deux?" asked Rukia and Matsumoto in unison.

"I DON'T KNOW! I didn't invent French. The French did, go to France and ask someone there!"

"Geez Yumichika, no need to get angry," said Matsumoto.

_No need to get angry, _thought Yumichika. _They keep interrupting me. I'm going to make this as short as possible._

"Okay, for 23 to 29, it's the word for twenty and the word for the number, with twenty first and then the number.

"Like vingt-trois?" asked Ichigo.

"Exactly! Moving on. 30 is trente, 31 is trente-et-un, 32 is trente-deux and for 33 to 39, you do like 23 to 29, but with thirty instead of twenty."

"Trente-trois?"

"Yes, you've gotten the concept. So, no more interruptions 40 is quarante, 41 quarante-et-un, 42 quarante-deux and 43 to 49 is just like the previous numbers. 50 is cinquante, 51 is cinquante-et-un, 52 cinquante-deux, 53 to 59 repeat like before, 60 is soixante, 61 soixante-et-un, 62 soixante-deux, and 63 to 69 is also like before. 70 soixante-dix…"

"Wait, isn't soixante 60? So why is it with seventy?" asked Renji.

"It's 60-10," said Hitsugaya. "Sixty plus ten is seventy, idiot."

"Oh."

"71 is soixante-et-onze, 72 soixante-douze, 73 soixante-treize…" said Yumichika before he was interrupted yet again.

"Why isn't it like before?" asked Rukia.

"Because you are saying 60-11 or 60-12 and so on and so forth," Yumichika said through gritted teeth.

"Oh."

"74 soixante-quatorze, 75 soixante-quinze, 76 soixante-seize, 77 soixante-dix-sept…"

"Whoa, whoa. You changed all of a sudden!" exclaimed Ikkaku.

"No I didn't! Dix-sept is seventeen in French! If you had been listening earlier and remembered what seventeen was, then you would have known what was coming!" Yumichika nearly screamed.

"Why are you so angry?"

"Why am I so angry? Because you morons keep interrupting me!" Yumichika shrieked as his fist connected with Ikkaku's extremely shiny head. Ikkaku slumped to the ground. "Ikkaku? Oh well. 78 is soixante-dix-huit, 79 soixante-dix-neuf, 80 is quatre-vingt, 81 is quatre-vingt un…"  
"Ah, what happened to the whole 'et-un' thing?" asked Matsumoto.

"I don't know."

"Some teacher you are."

"Shut up! I learned how to speak French, not why it is the way it is!"

"Okay then."

"Huff! For 82 to 89, just replace the un with the corresponding number."

"What's that mean?" asked Rukia.

"It means like quatre-vingt deux," stated Hitsugaya.

"Oh, silly me."

"Thanks for the clarification, taichou," said Matsumoto.

"Well, if you people listened instead of asking questions all the time, you might get it."

"Oh, and you get it?"

"I already know French."

"Just how many languages _do_you know, taichou?"

"A lot."

"Just how many is a…."

"SHUT UP! Do you or do you not want to learn French!" yelled Yumichika.

"We want to learn French," said everyone, sans Hitsugaya and Ikkaku, who was still unconscious.

"Good. Now, be quiet. We're almost done! 90 is quatre-vingt dix, 91 is quatre-vingt onze…"

"So 90 is kinda like 70 since you're taking the number before and adding ten to it," said Renji.

"Yes. Moving on. 92 quatre-vingt douze, 93 quatre-vingt treize, 94 quatre-vingt quatorze, 95 quatre-vingt quinze, 96 quatre-vingt seize, 97 quatre-vingt dix-sept, 98 quatre-vingt dix-huit, 99 is quatre-vingt dix-neuf and 100 is cent. That's all."

"That's all? 100 is cent? I thought it would be something long and complicated like all the others. But cent…that's something I'll remember," said Matsumoto.

"Thank you, Yumichika," said Rukia as she left to go to her room.

"Yeah, thanks," said Renji as he leapt out the window.

"Thanks!" exclaimed Matsumoto happily as she went out the door and down the stairs.

"That was really hard. Harder than I thought it was going to be," commented Yumichika.

"Now you know how I feel all the time," said Ichigo.

"Hey, if you knew how bad it is, why did you interrupt me in the beginning!"

"I wanted to share my pain."

"Oh, is that it! Then I s…."

"What are we going to do with Ikkaku?" asked Hitsugaya.

"Huh?" the pair said.

"He's still unconscious."

-- 5 minutes later--

"You sure this is going to work?" asked Hitsugaya.

"Of course! It works in the movies," responded Ichigo.

"In the movies?" _He's dumber than he looks._

"Relax, it'll work. Trust me."

_Oh, I think it will work, but how will Ikkaku react?_

Ichigo dumped a bucket of ice cold water onto Ikkaku's head.

"Wha…frog legs!" exclaimed Ikkaku as the icy coldness woke him up.

"Frog legs?" questioned Ichigo.

"Yeah, I was dreaming that a bunch of creepy French chefs were trying to force me to eat frog legs! Wait, why was I dreaming about that?"

"Because before you were knocked unconscious, Yumichika was teaching French," said Hitsugaya.

"Oh, yeah. Wait. You knocked me out, Yum… hey! Where'd Yumichika go!"  
"I believe that he left before you could remember that he was the one to knock you out."

"That bastard," said Ikkaku as he left.

"Well then, see you t…" Ichigo slipped on a patch of….ice, landing on his face.

"Heh, did you think I forgot about the time you left and I had to teach them German? This is part of your payback. See you tomorrow," said Hitsugaya as he closed the door.

"Stupid, short, arrogant captains," Ichigo muttered as he picked himself off the floor. "Freezing water so I would slip."

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Hopefully I didn't butcher the French. The title means "Welcome to the frog-eaters"

Return to Top


	8. Fling it against the wall

Changed the title of last chapter in the little thingie at the top in the corner with the arrow down thingie button, cause it'spissing me off cause it wouldn't take the whole title. Least it was in the story itself.

Anyways, beware, they is having pointy objects and shall be in school. They is cooking. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Oh, read the story to figure out the chapter title.

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Fling it against the wall

"Today we are going to be cooking spaghetti. I shall divide you into pairs and when we're done, you shall give a sample of your dish to your classmates, for I highly doubt you won't try and be creative with the recipe, and we shall judge them. And now, before we start cooking, I would like you to grab an apron," Weth-sensei said, pointing at a pile consisting of mainly frilly flower patterned aprons.

Everyone made a mad dash to the pile to get an apron that was _not _frilly, which was a total of … three.

"Damn," said Ikkaku and Renji. "I got a frilly apron."

"So pretty," said Yumichika, modeling the frilly piece of cloth.

Matsumoto just shrugged, not caring.

"So, what is this 'spaghetti' we're cooking," asked Rukia, also not caring if it was frilly.

"It's a pasta dish from Italy," said Ichigo with a look of 'kill-me-now-cause-I'm-in-a-frilly-apron.'

Matsumoto turned to look at Hitsugaya and burst out laughing. The others turned, saw him, and started to laugh as well. For you see, Hitsugaya was a tad bit short for the apron, as it was pooled around his feet.

"Shut up! At least it isn't frilly," said Hitsugaya angrily. That shut up Ikkaku, Renji, and Ichigo.

"Attention please, class. I still need to put you into pairs," said Weth-sensei. "Let's see, we have Inoue and Matsumoto…" A squeal from those two. "Abarai and Kurosaki, Kuchiki and Ayasegawa, Madarame and Hitsugaya… (insert random names of no importance here). Alright, the recipe is on the tables, and you may begin cooking."

--Orihime & Matsumoto--

"Who needs a recipe," said Matsumoto as she tossed the recipe into the trash. "Let's just be inventive!"

"Yeah!" agreed Orihime.

"Let's go get some ingredients."

"Yeah!"

--Renji & Ichigo--

"So, we need a kg of meat…" said Renji.

"That doesn't seem right," commented Ichigo.

"Well, that's what it says!"

"Really?"

"Really. Anyways, half a onion, package of Italian seasoning, 500 g of Parmesan cheese, 1 ½ L of tomato paste, 2 L of water and a package of pasta. Did you measure them?"

"Yeah, but this doesn't seem right."

"Well, that's what it says. We have to follow the recipe."

--Rukia & Yumichika--

"Um…the measurements for the ingredients are in customary," pointed out Yumichika.

"They are?" asked Rukia.

"Yeah."

"So then we'll just have to convert them to metric. Let's see…one lb. is equal to .45 Kg, half a cup is 8 oz. which equals .24 L, 12 oz. is equal to .35 L and 2 cups is equal to a quart which equals .95 L. Okay, now we can measure the ingredients."

"Um…sure," agreed Yumichika who had been completely frazzled by the math Rukia just did.

--Hitsugaya & Ikkaku--

"Damn it all! These measurements are in that stupid customary system. We need metric, Hitsugaya, do you know how to convert to metric."

"We don't need to convert to metric."

"Wha- Of course we do if we want to get the recipe right."

"Or we could always use the customary measuring cups."

"N-wait. Customary measuring cups? Where?"

"In the container labeled 'customary measuring cups' right next to the container labeled 'metric measuring cups.'"

"Oh."

"Now then, you cut up the onion and brown the meat."

--O&M-- (AN: I'm too lazy to type their names all the time)

"And a little bit of this, oh, and some of this."

"Hey, Matsumoto. What about this?"

"Yeah! We can't forget that!"

(AN: Do you really wanna know what they're putting into their spaghetti? Think about who it is.)

--R&I--

"So, Ichigo, you work on the spaghetti noodles and I'll make the sauce."

"Why are you doing most of the work?"

"Cause."

"Cause why?"

"Just cause."

"Just cause why?"

"Because I said so!" snapped Renji as he waved his arm, which held a knife, at Ichigo. However, his grip on the knife wasn't all that firm and so it slipped from his hands and flew over to Ikkaku and Hitsugaya's table where it managed to slice a good chunk of Hitsugaya's left pinkie. "Ah…Hitsugaya, um…I'm sorry…real…." Renji's words were cutoff as Hitsugaya hit him up side the head with the butt of the knife used to cut his finger.

--R&Y--

"Okay then, sauce ingredients are in the pot. So know what, Rukia?"

"You let it simmer for 20 minutes and stir occasionally," said Rukia as she poured the noodles into a pot of boiling water.

"How will we know when the noodles are done?"

"It says that the noodles should be done in about 12 minutes."

"Okay."

--H&I--

"Stupid Abarai, nearly cutting off my finger," muttered Hitsugaya as he put a bandage on his finger. "It hurts, dammit all."

"Eh, Hitsugaya, now what do we do?"

"Let the sauce simmer for 20 minutes. In the mean time, get some water to boil. And some olive oil."

"Olive oil?"

"It will help the pasta not stick together."

"Oh."

--O&M--

"Yay! The sauce is done! Now to work on the noodles!"

"Hey, Matsumoto. I think we should make our own noodles, since we have time to do it!"

"Brilliant as ever, Orihime!" exclaimed Matsumoto as she hugged Orihime. "Now to get ingredients for the noodles!"

--R&I--

"So, Ichigo, how will you know when the noodles are done?"

"Just worry about the sauce your making, and the pissed off captain."

"That was a complete accident! Besides, I'm nearly done. So, how will you know?"

"I'll know."

"Tell me."

"No."

"Tell me."

"No."

"Tell me."

"Fine. I'll fling a noodle against the wall."

"Fling a noodle against the wall?"

"Yeah, and if it sticks, it means the pasta is done."

"If you say so."

--R&Y--

"Okay, it's been twelve minutes, the noodles should be done."

"Then what do we do with them?"

"We drain them in the colander," said Rukia as she went to the sink and poured the steaming liquid full of noodles into the colander.

"We still have eight minutes left with the sauce."

"That's okay. I need to go get the plates."

"Get pretty plates."

"They're paper plates. They aren't pretty."

"Not so. Some paper plates have designs on them."

"Fine, I'll get some with designs, if she has any."

--H&I--

"How are we…" Ikkaku stopped mid-sentence as he saw a pasta string go whizzing by and hit the wall, where it stayed.

"Like that."

"You threw it at the wall?"

"Yeah, so?"

"It just seems so c…"

"Do you really want to say what I think you're going to say?"

"…not like you, Hitsugaya."

"That's not any better. Is the sauce done yet?"

"Yes."

"Good. Now let's plate this."

--O&M--

"YAY! We're done!"

"Eh, sensei, we're done."

"Really, Inoue, Matsumoto, let's see. That's…not the recipe."

"But sensei, you said to be creative."

"I did, didn't I, Inoue? Well, I look forward to…tasting it."

--R&I--

A noodle hit the wall and stuck. "It's done."

"Good."

"Um, Renji…the sauce is…overflowing and…smoking."

"It's what? OH SHIT!"

"YOU WEREN'T WATCHING THE SAUCE!"

"Uh…I forgot to watch."

"HOW DO YOU FORGET TO WATCH!"

"I just did."

"Only you, Renji, only you. Well, let's try and salvage what we have left."

Renji lifted the lid of the sauce pot and a big black cloud arose. The two looked in and saw a black mess with some red thrown in here and there.

"Or not. We'll just have to have noodles only."

--R&Y--

"There. It's a masterpiece," said Yumichika with a flourish.

"Um…wow. That looks like stuff you see on those cooking shows!"

"Thank you."

"Now to go and give it to sensei."

--H&I--

"It's done."

"Wow, a day were I wasn't yelled at. Amazing."

"Shut up and help me turn this in."

"Y-yes."

The Results of the Eating: with comments

Inoue Orihime and Matsumoto Rangiku: 0 (ARE YOU TWO TRYING TO KILL US OR WHAT!)

"W-what!" exclaimed Matsumoto. "I liked it, so it has to be good."

"Good to you, poisonous to the rest of us," said Hitsugaya.

"You're so mean, taichou."

Abarai Renji and Kurosaki Ichigo: 2 (Where's the sauce?)

"Yeah, where's the sauce," asked Rukia.

"In the trash can," said Ichigo.

"Why?"

"Cause Renji burned it."

"Shut up!" snapped Renji.

Kuchiki Rukia and Ayasegawa Yumichika: A PERFECT 10! (Looks like something you'd buy at a snazzy Italian restaurant.)

"Yeah!" exclaimed Rukia and Yumichika.

"Lucky bastards," said everyone, except for Hitsugaya and Ikkaku, since they hadn't seen their score yet.

Hitsugaya Toshiro and Madarame Ikkaku: 9.9 (Wasn't as snazzy looking as Kuchiki's and Ayasegawa's.)

The two had identical looks of surprise on their faces. They didn't get .1 of a point cause it wasn't pretty enough.

"Wow, you two are more of a loser than we are," commented Renji.

"How so?" asked Hitsugaya, whose voice had the slight taint of anger in it.

"You came close to getting a perfect score, but it wasn't as pretty as…." Renji didn't finish the sentence as his skull was once again bashed by Hitsugaya, this time, he fell to the ground.

"See you later," and with that Hitsugaya left the school.

"W-wait, taichou…he's too young to be this violent," said Matsumoto. "What are we going to do with Renji?"

"We can do what we did to Ikkaku the other day," said Ichigo.

"What did you do to me?" asked Ikkaku.

"Remember, the frog legs, and the water and the bucket."

"Oh yeah. I think that will work."

And so, the school soon here the awakenings of a drenched and pissed of red head.

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My computer's been mean to me. It takes forever to get online, since I have to keep restarting/turning it off. But I eventually get it.

I got lazy near the end. Anyways, this chapter is for my sister and urja shannan, who want to see them cook.

BTW, urja shannan, what's a PA?


	9. What does this mean?

So, right. New chapter is in school like last chapter. People asked for Orihime's and Matsumoto's recipe. I'll get to that eventually. Today they are doing impromptu speeches!

Don't own Bleach. Quotes belong to the respective people.

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What does this mean?

"Impromptu speeches! How dare you…wait, what's an impromptu speech?" said Keigo.

"Impromptu speaking is when you make up the speech on the spot," said Lan-sensei.

"Make up on the spot," repeated Keigo stupidly.

"Yes. Now everyone come up and get a quote from the bag.

--5 Minutes Later--

"So," whispered Renji, since a person was starting their speech. "What quote do you have, Rukia?"

"A quote from some dude named Benjamin Franklin."

"Hey, isn't Franklin the guy with the kite and key and lighting thing?" asked Ikkaku.

"Yeah."

"Wow…I guess he was smart, if he is quotable. Was it due to the lightning, you think?"

"I don't know."  
"Madarame and Abarai, be quiet!" snapped Lan-sensei.

The pair jumped and stammered "Y-yes, ma'm."

"Hitsugaya, it's you turn."

Hitsugaya slowly walked up to the front of the class. "'I reject your reality and substitute my own,' Adam Savage. Basically, Savage doesn't care for what you say. And just doesn't care, he rejects it entirely. In place of your thoughts, he puts his own ideas and thoughts. So, what you think is meaningless to him." He then walked back to his seat.

"Um…thank you, Hitsugaya. Kurosaki, your turn."  
"'All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely Players. They have their Exits and their Entrances, And one man in his time playes many parts…" William Shakespeare is saying that we all have a role to play in the history of earth. And sometimes, you may play more than on part. Shakespeare…"

"So, what you are saying is that there is someone behind the 'stage' and is manipulating us," said random student guy of no importance.

"I'm no, Shakespeare is sort of alluding to it."  
"So, would it be God doing it, if there was someone working behind the scenes."

"I guess. I don't know."

"So, all that we are saying is in a 'script' of earth."

"I don't know!"

"You don't have to y…"

"You," said Lan-sensei, pointing at random student dude. "Five points off for interrupting. I would shut up if I were you."

"Yes, ma'm."

"Kurosaki, continue."

"Anyways…what was I saying…right. We all have certain roles to perform and it may or may not affect our daily lives. That's all."

"Okay, that was very…enlightening. Abarai."

"Friedrich Nietzsche once said 'In heaven all the interesting people are missing.' What Nietzsche is saying is that all the people who interest us, like Shakespeare, Hemmingway, and Poe and people like that, wouldn't be in heaven. They would be in hell more likely that not. And why? Because they had radical ideas that could be considered 'sins.' And as 'sinners' God or whoever is up there, won't let them in."

"Thank you, Abarai," said Lan-sensei as Renji took his seat, with a hint of surprise in her voice. "Hiroshi, you're next."

"Whoa," Rukia whispered. "I didn't know you where so deep, Renji."

"There are a lot of things you don't know," retorted Renji softly.

"Wait, how do you know Hemmingway and Poe?" asked Ichigo in a whisper.

"Urahara has all these books. I get bored really easily. So I decided to read some. I read some of their works. They were…interesting."

"Madarame."

"'I like a man you grins when fighting,' said Winston Churchill. And I agree with it. I mean, what's the point of fighting if you don't enjoy it. Churchill would have definitely enjoyed my taichou, Zaraki Kenpachi. He loves to fight and always has a smile on when he fights, unless he's bored, and then he isn't smiling. And everyone is 11th squad smiles when we fight cause it's so enjoyable. And I'm done."

"Taichou?"

"Maybe he's in a gang."

"Yeah, a gang called the 11th squad. That's not a very creative gang name."

"I know. It must be a really lame gang."

"Okay, that's it! 11th squad isn't lame. And I'll prove it by kicking all your asses!"

Lan-sensei tapped Ikkaku on the head with a ruler. "Language, Madarame, language. And can you please have a seat?"

"Fine," grumbled Ikkaku as he took his seat, glaring at his fellow classmates.

"Kuchiki."

"Benjamin Franklin said that 'Glass, china, and reputation are easily cracked and never well mended.' When you break a plate, it's in really small pieces. And you try and fix it, but there are cracks in it, so it isn't the same. Franklin is comparing a person's reputation to this. So, if you did something dumb, like shoot up the school, your reputation's cracked and there isn't anything you can do to fix it. You will always have cracks."

"Nice use of metaphors, Kuchiki."

"Thank you sensei."

"Asano."

"Um…do I have to?"

"Yes, it's for a grade."

"Fine," said Keigo as he walked to the front as if walking to the gallows. "Um…my quotes is by Winston Churchill. He said 'I like pigs. Dogs look up to you. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us like equals.'" _What the hell does that mean! _"Uh…it means…um… it means, crap, I just had it….it means…um…means," he looked at everyone staring at him. _I wished they stopped staring. It disturbs me. Why are they staring? _"Um….it means…I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS!" He then ran out of the classroom screaming his head off.

"Wow, I always knew Asano was weird," said Lan-sensei. "Can anyone tell me what it means?"

"Churchill is saying that humans are like pigs," said Hitsugaya. "That humans are no better than pigs. That humans are sloppy and not as bright as they think they are."

"Excellent, Hitsugaya. Although I would have like more detail." _Well screw you, bitch,_ thought Hitsugaya. _I'm just not in the mood to give an in-depth explanation. _"Matsumoto."

"Right, I have 'The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct them to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently,' by Friedrich Ni-Nie-Nietzsche. What he is saying is that if someone teaches you to go with the follow, then you've been corrupted. You need to think for yourself, be yourself. So a bunch of people nowadays are corrupted cause they do what others do and label those different as freaks and weirdos. But it's those freaks and weirdos who end up with nice houses and nice cars and all that money and people who go with the follow are working at a fast food place for minimum wage going 'How may I take your order?' So he is telling us to be freaks and weirdos. So…yeah. I'm done."

"Ayasegawa."

"'When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.' Buckminster Fuller. What Fuller is saying is that it doesn't matter if you don't start beautifully so long as you end beautifully. I disagree. You should start and finish beautifully. But I do agree with him on the idea that if it is ugly, then it is wrong. Ugly things do not belong." With that, Yumichika walked back to his desk, beautifully.

-End of Class-

"Well, everyone passed, except Asano, who ran to hide in the bathroom. I've learned a lot from the…speeches," said Lan-sensei as the bell rang. "Class dismissed."

From the Desk of Lan:

To Principal,

Some students of interest, good and bad:

Hitsugaya Tōshirō: Perhaps he should skip another grade.

Madarame Ikkaku: Might want to check his background. Kept mentioning an '11th squad. Extremely violent.

Kuchiki Rukia: May look innocent, but mention the phrase 'shooting up the school.' Possible risk.

Ayasegawa Yumichika: My need counseling. Obsession with beauty, not healthy.

Asano Keigo: Needs counseling, big time.

Ishida Uryū: Truant, big time.

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Added that last bit just for kicks. Ishida will show up, eventually. I think.

When I was looking up quotes, I came across a lot of stupid one's from push and Texan politicians. Here are some of my favorites:

As governor of Texas, I have set high standards for our public schools, and I have met those standards. – George W. Bush

There's an old saying in Tennessee -- I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee...that says, fool me once, shame on...shame on you. Fool me...you can't get fooled again. 9/17/2002 – George W. Bush

Texas Agriculture Commissioner Jim Hightower: "Ain't nothin' in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead armadillos."

Our nation must come together to unite. – George W. Bush

For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It's just unacceptable. And we're going to do something about it. - George W. Bush

Our president is an idiot.


	10. Imagine This

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I'm back with the next installment! Also, I'm gonna layoff the politics, and Shakespeare as well, it's getting to be too obvious. I don't want this stuff to be obvious.

Ishida shall be in this chapter! Need some new blood, and I must share the love.

Don't own Bleach.

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Imagine This?

"Imaginary numbers! It's bad enough with normal numbers, but numbers that don't even exists. And two days of this shit," said Ikkaku.

"It's not that hard," said Ichigo.

"Yeah, well, you're smart."

"Are you implying that you're stupid?"

"N-no! I'm just sayin' that you're smart when it comes to this shit!"

"And I took notes yesterday."

"Notes? Again? Damn, I didn't take any."

"I know, that's why I mentioned it. Hang on…today's the second day of studying imaginary numbers, so why are you guys comin' today?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, we had homework on imaginary numbers yesterday, so why would you need my help today?"

"Oh, yesterday's homework. I didn't do it, most of us didn't."

"Why not!"

"She said that it wasn't for a grade, so why do it? Today's is for a grade, and we need your help."

"….You are all morons."

"H…"

"Kurosaki-san," said Ishida softly, popping out of nowhere. _If my father learns I went to Kurosaki-san to teach me, he'd probably kill me. So as long as he doesn't find out, I'm fine._

"Wha…"

"I was wondering if you could teach me about imaginary numbers as well, seeing as how I've been out of school these past few days."

"Past few days? You've been out longer than a 'past few days!' And what have you been doing anyways?"

"That is none of your concern," said Ishida, pushing up his glasses in that way he does, which looks like he is flicking you off.

"Then I'm not going to teach," said Ichigo, crossing his arms and looking the other way.

"B-but, Kurosaki-san, I need to learn this! If I don't, my grade will suffer further."

"Well, you should have thought about that before you decide to miss all those days."

"Kurosaki-san…."

--30 Minutes Later, Ichigo's Room--

"Okay, imaginary numbers are represented by _i_…"

"Why _i_?" asked Ikkaku.

"I don't know, maybe _i _as in imaginary."

"Oh."

"Anyways, _i _ is the square root of -1. So if you had, for example, the square root of -25, you would take out -1 and as 25 is a perfect square, your answer would by 5_i."_

"Why 5_i_?" asked Yumichika. "And what is a perfect square?"

_ Why did I mention perfect squares? Why? _"Because you have taken out -1, which leaves you with 25. 25 is a perfect square because 5x5 equals 25, the product any number times itself is a perfect square. That is why it is 5_i_.

"Oh."

"So, Ichigo, how do you do the first part of the homework?" asked Rukia.

"Factoring imaginary numbers," said Ichigo as he looked down on his own paper, "it's really easy, cause there is a pattern to it. If _i_ is raised to 0, then it equals one…."

"Wait," said Renji, "Shouldn't it be equal to 0 if it's raised to 0?"

"Any number raised to the power of 0 equals 1," said Ishida.

"But why," asked Ikkaku.

"I dunno, it's just like that," said Ichigo.

"Hey, four-eyes, do you know?"

"F-four-eyes…" repeated Ishida, a little angrily. "If I did know, I wouldn't tell you, but as I don't know, that doesn't matter."

"Does anyone know!"

Everyone turned to stare at Hitsugaya.

"What?" said Hitsugaya.

"Well, taichou, you are the smartest person in this room. You must know the reason why the number becomes 1 instead of 0," said Matsumoto.

"I…don't know."

"What!" the whole group exclaimed.

"SO?" said Hitsugaya, sounding a little ticked off. "It's not that big of a deal."

"If you say so," said Renji in disbelief.

"I agree, maybe Hitsugaya-taichou isn't as smart as he leds us to believe," said Yumichika.

"Do you have a death wish," questioned Hitsugaya angrily.

"N-no."

"Then stop gripping on the fact that I don't know something."

"Yes, sir."

"May I continue?" asked Ichigo.

"Yes, of course," said Rukia.

"_i_ to the first power is _i_, _i_² is -1, _i _cubed is –_i_, and _i_ to the fourth is the same answer to _i _to 0, 1. Any questions?" Ishida tried to say something. "None? Good. Moving on. As you can see, after 3, the pattern repeats itself."

"So, _i _to the fifth would be _i _?" asked Renji.

"Yes. Now the next thing is…complex numbers. The standard form of complex numbers is a+b_i_."

"Wait, a and b aren't numbers," said Yumichika. "They're letters."

"No shit. They just represent numbers. A and b are just there to show where the actual numbers should be."

"Oh."

"Now on to adding and subtracting complex numbers…"

"Wait," said Ikkaku. "I thought we were learning imaginary numbers."

"We are. Imaginary numbers are in complex numbers, dumbass."

"Oh…Hey, did you just call me a dumbass?"

"Yes, I did."

"H…"  
"Please don't fight," said Ishida. "I would like to learn how to do this. As do you, otherwise, why would you be here."

"Ishida's right," said Hitsugaya. "So shut the hell up and let Ichigo continue with this."

"Yes, sir," said Ikkaku. "Who does he think he is, bossing me around," Ikkaku muttered. "He isn't my taichou. I don't get where this midget can get off telling …"

"Haven't we had this discussion before? You know, where you mutter under your breath and I can hear everything you're saying," said Hitsugaya, with a noticeable drop in the temperature.

"Uh…ye-yes. Um…sorry."

"You're not sorry."

"Anyways," said Ichigo. "Adding and subtracting. Real easy. All you do is add or subtract the real numbers…"

"What are real numbers," asked Rukia.

"Normal numbers."

"Oh. Hee hee, silly me."

"And add and subtract the imaginary numbers."

"So," said Renji. "The answer to the first one, (8-5_i_) + (2+_i_) would be 10-4_i_."

"Exactly."

"This isn't really all that hard, like you said."

"I know, once you learn how to do it, it's very simple."

"Says you," said Matsumoto. "I don't get how you got that answer."

"Me neither," chorused Rukia, Yumichika, and Ikkaku.

"Let me explain," said Ishida. "What Renji-san did was add the 8 and 2 together to get 10 and then he added the -5_i _and _i _to get -4_i_."

"Why is it -4_i_?" asked Yumichika.

"Because the 5 is negative and larger than the 1, which is positive. When adding negative and positive, you take away the opposite of the larger number. So you take a one from the -5."

"Oh," they all responded.

"Now, for multiplying complex numbers, you are going to use the FOIL method."

"Why can't I use the box method?" asked Ishida.

"I guess you can use it, but I think FOIL is easier."

"Well, I think box method is easier."

"Well, use it, don't ask dumb questions."

"Dumb questions! How is that a dumb question?"

"Cause you could've figured the answer out yourself. Which ever way you prefer is the one you should use."

"D…"

"Umm…" said Rukia. "What's this FOIL you speak of?"

"FOIL is a way to multiply equations together," said Ichigo. "What you do is multiply the two first numbers together, that's F, then for O you multiply the outside numbers together," _Wait, _thought Ichigo, _I need to make this simpler, or they're gonna ask me all these dumb questions. _"This would be the first number of the first equation and the last number of the second equation. I is when you multiply the two inside numbers together, which is the last number of the first equation and the first number of the second equation, and L is when you multiply the two end numbers together. Understand?"

"I think so," said Yumichika. "So, on this first problem, (4+2_i_)(3-5_i_), the answer would be 12-20_i_+6_i_-10_i_²."

"No."

"No! Why not!"

Because, you would add the two numbers with _i_, the -20 and the 6, together. A…"

"Oh, so it would be -14_i_," said Rukia.

"Again, no."

"Why not!"

"If you people would shut up and let me explain!"

"Sorry."

"You're forgetting that pattern I just taught you."

"Oh," said Matsumoto. "I think I get it. _i_² becomes -1. So, you would …multiply…" she paused. Ichigo nodded his head, so did Hitsugaya. "…the -10 and the -1 to get 10, then you would add it to 12 and your answer would be 22-14_i_."

"Correct."

"That's too much work," said Ikkaku.

"I agree," said Yumichika.

"Well, I don't care. Now go, you know how to do it, so go work on it someplace else."

"Eh," said everyone, minus Hitsugaya and Ishida, who had gotten up to leave.

"What…did you think I would give you the answers."

"Wait…you've finished this. I thought taichou was the only one who worked that fast," said Matsumoto.

"I did it during class, while those who had done it were asking stupid questions on how the teacher got the answer."

"Oh. Well, I'll be going now, coming taichou."

"Of course," said Hitsugaya.

"Eh, Ikkaku, what are you doing?" asked Ichigo, as he saw Ikkaku trying to get into his backpack.

"Uh…nothin'."

"Liar. You're trying to steal my homework so you can copy it."

"And if I was?"

Ichigo threw the nears book at Ikkaku's head.

"Shit…fine, I won't take it. It's probably all wrong anyways. Come on, Yumichika." And the duo left through his window.

"T-they left through the window," said Ishida.

"You're still here?"

"I wanted to thank you for teaching me."

"Really, wow, first time I've been thanked. These morons never thank me, and I've taught them a lot of things."

"Really, well, see you at school tomorrow."

"Hey, wait," yelled Renji, but was too late, as Ishida was already down the stairs.

"Why? What do you want with him?" asked Rukia.

"Well…don't you want to know what he was up to while he was absent?"

"Yes."

"Well, let's go…"

"Don't bother," said Ichigo. "He won't tell you anything. When he wants to tell us, he'll tell us."

"If you say so. Well, bye." And with that, Renji was gone.

"Thank you, Ichigo," said Rukia as she left his room.

"Heh…only reason she said that was cause I commented on them never thanking me," muttered Ichigo darkly.

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Whee! Next chapter is on the "Miracle of Life." A video watched in 7th grade health, but…I'm gonna make them watch it cause it's very….interesting, shall I say.

Thanks goes to everyone who has reviewed so far, too many to list, and I'm just plain lazy.


	11. The Miracle of Life, Right

Yeah, it's "Miracle of Life" time. Actually, I don't think it's gonna be as disturbing as watching it cause a) it's their comments on what they're watching, and b) I've never seen it and is based on what my sister told me, and the way she described it was hilarious, to me at least.

Don't own anything relating to Bleach.

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The "Miracle of Life," Right

"So, today we shall watch the 'Miracle of Life,' which is all about the wonders of having a baby," said Rien-sensei as she pushed the play button.

"'The wonders of having a baby.' What the hell is she on," whispered Matsumoto. "I've heard it isn't all that exciting."

A "Viewer Digression is Advised" filled the screen.

"What's that mean?" asked Ikkaku.

"It means that there may be things you don't want little children to see, so watch it if you think you won't get freaked out," replied Ichigo.

"Then maybe Hitsugaya shouldn't be watching this," Ikkaku snickered.

"I'm more mature than you are, so I doubt I'll be disturbed by anything," was Hitsugaya's response.

The next image they saw on the screen was these red spherical like thingies with squiggle lines.

"What's that?" asked Rukia.

"I dunno," Ichigo responded.

A voice from the tape said, "These are the testes without their protective cover of skin."

"What the hell!" exclaimed Keigo.

"Okay," whispered Ikkaku. "That looks really weird."

"Yeah, and that's what you have," said Matsumoto with a slight laugh in her voice.

"At least they have the skin on them," Ikkaku muttered darkly.

"Eh, true."

The image then goes inside the testes and weird things which are making sperm, which is squiggling about. It then starts to talk about the eggs and ovaries and all that jazz. It then goes to the fallopian tube and there are squiggle thingies and the voice says that those move the egg along.

"There are a lot of squiggles," said Rukia.

"Yeah, I didn't know the body was so…squigglely," said Matsumoto.

The movie mentions something about the eggs staying there until the sperm comes along.

"I already knew that," said Ichigo.

"Really, how so," questioned Yumichika.

"It's in the biology textbook."

"Oh."

The movie then goes inside the penis. There is a tube that the sperm travels through. It shows an image of sperm eating this…liquid and making semen.

"Okay, that is really….disturbing. The sperm eats something and makes semen," said Ikkaku.

"So it would seem," said Hitsugaya.

Then everything black, except for this white wall thing and a large red dot in the background. "The red object you see is the bladder."

"Hang on, how do they get inside the bodies?" asked Rukia.

"Cadaver is a possibility," replied Hitsugaya.

"What's a cadaver?"

"A cadaver is when a person gives their corpse up for the sake of science."

"Or they could have gotten a camera inside of it. There are small cameras that doctors use for surgeries so they can see what they are doing," said Ichigo.

"How do you know that?" asked Ikkaku.

"My dad's a doctor and a live in a clinic, in case you hadn't noticed."

"Oh yeah."

"During times of arousal, the passage to the bladder is closed."

"What about skeet-skeet?" asked random pervert dude. Rien-sensei threw a book at his head.

The next image was from an infra red camera. Everything is black, except for this bluish-green thing that is hanging.

"What's that?" asked Matsumoto.

"I'm going with a penis," replied Hitsugaya.

"Why's everything black?"

"It's from an infra-red camera," said Ichigo.

"And that explains it how….?"

"Infra-red cameras measure heat. No temperature, no color."

"So, why is the…penis…blue and green?"

"Cause its cold."

"The brain sends signals of arousal out and blood flows to the penis. Watch as the blood fills the penis."

"What's so special about blood going to the penis?" asked Rukia.

"Maybe if you watched, you'd find out," said Hitsugaya.

The penis turned orange, then red and got… hard. (AN: I don't know how else to describe it. My sister was describing it with her finger and I didn't get it.)

"Why'd it change colors?" asked Yumichika.

"Because the blood controls the body's temperature, and where there is a lot of blood, there is a lot of heat, which cause it to change colors," said Hitsugaya.

"Yep," agreed Ichigo. "Infra-red measures heat, so cool object are 'cool' colors, such as blue and green, whereas warm objects are 'warm' colors, like orange and red."

"Ah, I see," said Yumichika.

There is then a semi-circle thing off to the side of the screen.

"It'd be nice if the labeled the images and such," commented Matsumoto.

"I agree, then you morons wouldn't be asking all these stupid questions," said Hitsugaya.

"Taichou, you're not very nice."

Then a stream of whiteness enters the semi-circle thing. "The semen enters the vagina through ejaculation."

"Oh, so the semi-circle thing was the vagina," said Renji.

The video goes on to show the sperm all squiggling about. Some of it goes in the wrong direction, and some that are…deformed.

"Dude, that sperm has two….tail thingies!" exclaimed random student chick.

"And that one's just a tail!" exclaimed random student chick number two.

"Why does everyone have to say what they see?" asked Ichigo and Hitsugaya in unison. The two then looked at each other, and then away.

The sperm then all gang up on an egg, but only one gets through the eggs barrier.

"How do the sperm know where the egg is?" asked Matsumoto.

"They just know," replied Hitsugaya.

"But…."

"Just shut up!"

"Okay, okay. No need to get angry."

The video then shows a zygote and how it develops into a baby, with a label at the top saying what stage it is on, and that really bland woman's voice describing it. They see two dark circles, which are the eyes. Then they see these two circle things with this tube like thing on top of the circles.

"I'm guessing it's a boy," said Renji.

"Most definitely," agreed Ikkaku.

"No, really," said Matsumoto sarcastically. "It's _really_ that hard to tell the difference as to what's between the legs."

The baby starts to move. The video then jumps to a hospital room.

"Okay, that was random," said Rukia.

"Yeah, one minute your inside the…lady with the baby, and the next, your at a hospital with the lady whose baby it must be," said Yumichika.

The camera then goes in between the lady's legs. It's hairy.

"Ew…gross," said Rukia as she looked away. Some other students did as well.

Then there is this purple-brown thing that's coming out.

"Oh my GOD! Is that the baby? Ew, ew, ew, not watching anymore," yelled random student chick from before. At this point, most of the class was no longer watching the screen.

Then you see, or those still watching, see a Mexican guy holding the baby going "It's a boy, it's a boy!"

"As if we didn't already know that," said Ichigo and Hitsugaya, once again in unison. And once again, they looked at the other, then looked away.

"Stop saying what I'm sayin'," said Ichigo.

"No, you're saying what I'm saying," retorted Hitsugaya.

"I…."

"Perhaps it is a case of 'great minds think alike," said Matsumoto, as she noticed a drop in the temperature.

"…"

The bell rang. The class saw Rien-sensei's hand come from under her desk, waving as she said, "Class dismissed."

"Why's she under the desk?" asked Rukia.

"My guess is that she was disturbed by the movie like almost everyone else," said Ichigo.

"If you're disturbed by it, then you shouldn't be showing it to the class," said Renji.

"Yeah, but Rien-sensei is…..different then most teachers. She wouldn't care about that. She would want to disturb us, that's they kinda person she is."

"Hey, I heard that!" Rien-sensei exclaimed at the group from her door, shaking her fist. "Stop spreading the truth!"

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Rien-sensei is based off my sister, as Rien is her fake name with her friends. Hopefully you haven't been traumatized by the … weird descriptions. All is based off my sister's descriptions, which weren't very good.

Um….I was wonderin' if any of you readers spoke Spanish. Thinkin' about having Chad teach them Spanish, but I don't speak Spanish and I'm not learning it. Really weird, a Texan who can't speak Spanish. Oh well.


	12. Kickball

I'm back with Study Buddies! Woot! I feel productive today.

Don't own.

By the way, this takes place indoors at school. I don't know if they have gyms at schools in Japan, but just go with it.

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Kickball

"Today we are going to play kickball," said Ryoma-sensei. "And it shall be boys against girls."

"Eh, Ichigo," said Ikkaku. "What's kickball?"

"Kickball is kinda like baseball, but you kick the ball, instead of hit it with a bat," said Ichigo.

"What's baseball?"

"Eh, never mind. I'll explain kickball. You see those mats on the ground," said Ichigo, pointing at the nearest one.

The whole group nodded.

"Those are the bases. That's were you go after you've kicked the ball. Now, there is gonna be a person on the other team who is going to roll the ball. And there is going to be a person on your team who kicks the ball. In this version, we have four bases and you can have any number of people on a base. Understand so far?"

"Yes," said Rukia. "We kick the ball and run to a base!"

"Right. Now then, if someone catches the ball you threw, then you go to the end of the line and that counts as a strike against your team. If someone tags you with the ball, meaning they touch you with the ball in their hands, then you're out. If they throw it at you, just keep going, that doesn't count. Now, when your team has three outs, we switch sides."

"Which means we roll the ball, try and catch it, or try and tag the other team with the ball," said Hitsugaya.

"Exactly. Now, for scoring, you have to run to all four bases and then come back to the place where you kicked the ball. That's home plate. You get one point for every time someone makes it to home plate."

"Wait. So, we run around in a…circle immediately after we kick the ball?" asked Yumichika.

"No, if you see someone with the ball near you, you stay at that base and run when you have the next opportunity."

"Ah. I get."

"What do you mean by you can have as many people on a base?" asked Renji.

"Normally, there is only one person to a base, but since we have mats, we can have more people to a base."

"Okay," said Ryoma-sensei. "Girls shall be pitching and the boys shall be kicking."

"Bye," said Rukia, waving.

"You're going down," said Matsumoto.

"So, what do we do?" asked Ikkaku.

"We get in line," said Ichigo.

"I wanna kick first!"

"Then go cut at the front of the line."

"Okay." And with that, Ikkaku raced to the front of the line and waited for the ball.

--With the Girls--

"Whose going to be pitcher?" asked Chizuru.

"I'll do it," said Tatsuki. "We're dealing with boys, so we're gonna need some muscle behind the throws."

"Okay, that's settled. Everyone spread out!"

--The Boys--

_Damn it. Why won't the throw the ball already,_ thought Ikkaku, slightly annoyed.

Tatsuki rolled the ball. Ikkaku kicked it with all his might. It flew straight up in the air as he ran to the first base. The ball came crashing down, hitting Chizuru's face. Ikkaku kept running, and the girls were too busy looking at Chizuru to see if she was alright after being hit in the face with a ball to tag him out. Ikkaku made it back to first and scored the first point for the boys. He went to the end of the line where the rest of the guys were.

"I wonder if Chizuru is okay," commented Ichigo as she was carried off the field by the nurse and the nurse's assistant. "You didn't have to kick the ball so hard."

"Well, she could have moved out of the way, she saw the ball coming," said Ikkaku.

"Ikkaku's right," said Hitsugaya. "The girl just stood there, staring at the ball coming down on her."

"She was trying to catch it," said Ichigo.

"It didn't look like it to me. She was just staring at it."

"Gah…I give up."

Asano was up. He kicked the ball and was about to run to first when Tatsuki caught the ball.

And the same thing happened with Mizuiro. Then it was Chad's turn. He kicked the ball so hard that it hit the ceiling and he made it to second base before a random student chick headed his way.

Ishida kicked the ball so that it stayed on the ground. He made it to first while Chad crossed the huge gap between second and third. (AN: The mats are set up in every corner of the room. So some distances are short were as others are long)

Hiroshi kicked the ball and it flew over the girls' heads and landed in the space between second and third. Chad managed to get to fourth, then home, Ishida and Hiroshi to second. (AN: Hiroshi is the name Evan has in his Japanese class. Evan is in track and likes to run. And is really, really fast.)

Random student dude kicked the ball. Ryo caught it, but it fell out of her hands. Student dude made it to first. Hiroshi to third. However, Ishida isn't as fast as Hiroshi, no one is, except maybe Ryo, who had picked up the ball and ran to Ishida and tagged him. He was out, that made three. It was time to switch.

"Eh, Kurosaki," said Renji.

"Yeah."

"So, if you catch the ball, but it falls, it doesn't count."

"Yes."

"Okay then."

The boys all huddled around the circle in the middle of the floor.

"So, whose gonna be the pitcher?" asked Keigo.

"I'll do it," offered Ikkaku.

"No, I don't think you can do it," said Yumichika. "You'd end up throwing it at their faces."

"So? Then we wouldn't have any competition."

"That's not the point of the game," said Ishida.

"What's the point?"

"To get the most points. To do that, we must stop the girls from reaching home."

"I see. Leave that to me."

Ikkaku ran to stand near first base.

"I have a bad feeling about this," commented Hitsugaya.

"Yeah, so do I," said Ichigo.

"So, whose gonna be pitcher?" Keigo asked again.

"You can, since you're so worried about it."

"Eh, but…"

The group of boys dispersed.

Keigo turned to see who was first. It was Tatsuki. He gulped then rolled the ball gently down to her. She kicked it and it went flying to the ceiling. She ran to first then to second. Ichigo had gone to retrieve the ball. Tatsuki was heading to third base when she ran into Hitsugaya, knocking him down.

"Hey, watch were you're going," snapped Hitsugaya from the ground.

"Sorry, shorty," snapped Tatsuki as she touched third and headed for fourth.

A vein throbbed in Hitsugaya's forehead. _Shorty? I'll probably get in trouble for this, but it's gonna be worth it. _Hitsugaya created some ice in the middle of Tatsuki's path. Her left foot hit it and she went sliding, lost her balance, and landed on her butt a few inches from the base. Before she could get up, Ichigo tagged her with the ball.

"Damn it!" Tatsuki exclaimed. "How the hell did I fall!" She looked to were she had slipped and saw some melting ice. "Ice! What the hell! Where did this ice come from!"

Hitsugaya could feel Rukia's and Matsumoto's reproachful stares. He turned to look at them and did something very unlike him… he stuck his tongue out.

"So, ice, eh" said Ichigo to Hitsugaya.

"She called me shorty. Nobody calls me shorty."

"But still…won't you get in trouble?"

"Who cares?"

"If you say so."

The ball just kicked by Orihime flew in their direction. Ichigo reached up to catch it and it slipped threw his fingers.

"Damn it." Ichigo went after the ball yet again.

Orihime was heading to second base when Ichigo was heading there with the ball. _So, I'll just have to stay at second_, thought Orihime, right before she ran into the wall.

"Ouch," winced all the girls. (AN: This is based off a true event. Happened my freshman year of high school. I found it amusing.) Most of the guys laughed at this.

"I wonder if she's alright?" asked Rukia to Tatsuki.

"Probably, Orihime has a thick skull."

"Hey! I'm alright!" exclaimed Orihime.

"See, what'd I tell you."

"Ah."

"This is boring," said Matsumoto. "I'm going to the front."

So, Matsumoto cut in front of the rest of the girls, who really didn't mind. Keigo looked at her and went all gooey at her assets.

Matsumoto waited a bit be for yelling, "Hey, are you going to throw the ball or not!"

"Uh huh," said Keigo in a dreamy voice.

"Hey," snapped Renji. "Give me the ball."

"Okay."

Renji snatched the ball out of lover boy's hands and threw it at Matsumoto. Matsumoto kicked it and it whammed into Keigo's skull.

Matsumoto ran to first and Orihime tried to make it to third when she was tagged by Hitsugaya, who had caught the ball after it bounced off of Keigo.

"Hey," Ikkaku yelled at Ichigo. "Isn't she out if Hitsugaya caught the ball!"

"No."

"What! Why not!"

"Cause Hitsugaya caught it after it bounced off Keigo. If the ball bounces off an object, or in this case, a face, then you catch it, it doesn't count."

"What! That's a load of bull."

"That's the rules."

"You didn't tell us that."

"Sorry, I forgot."

"You forgot! How can you forget something as important as that!"

"Maybe you're stupidity is rubbing off on me!"

"It is not!"

"Wait…you just admitted that you're stupid."

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did."

"Did not."

"Did…"

"Madarame, you did allude to the fact that you were stupid," said Hitsugaya.

"Huh? What's that mean?"

"It means that you hinted at the fact that you're stupid. And you did seem rather stupid that time I attended your study session," said Ishida, pushing up his glass in the manner that looks like he's flipping you off.

"Eh…"

"Three against one, I win," stated Ichigo.

"Hey, morons," yelled Matsumoto from home plate. "Can we get back to the game?"

"Yeah….wait, how the hell did you get to home!" yelled Renji.

"While you were all watching Ikkaku and Ichigo yelling. It was too opportune to pass up. All your eyes some place else, so I ran and scored the first point for my team."

"H-hey, that's cheating…" stammered Ichigo.

"No, it isn't."

"Yes it is."

"NO, IT ISN'T!" yelled all the girls.

"Okay, okay, it isn't," said Ichigo, backing away slowly with his hands in front of him.

Next up was Rukia. Renji threw the ball at her, and she kicked it…and it was caught by Chad.

"So, we're winning, yes," asked Yumichika as the boys walked to the other side.

"Yeah, two to one," said Ichigo.

"Eh," said Ryoma-sensei, looking at his watch. "It's time for the…"

The bell rang.

"…bell to ring."

"Wha!" exclaimed everyone. They all ran to change their clothes. They were all still late to class.

--After School--

"I wonder why Ryoma-sensei didn't tell us it was time to go and change?" asked Rukia.

"Probably because he was debating on whether to stop those two morons fight before it got physical," said Matsumoto, gesturing to Ikkaku and Ichigo.

"I'm not a moron," the two exclaimed. They then turned to glare at each other.

"Don't say what I say," said Ikkaku.

"Yeah, well, don't say what I say," retorted Ichigo.

"Oh, is that how it's gonna be. Wanna fight," said Ikkaku, pulling out his wooden sword.

"That's enough, you two," said Matsumoto as she dealt blows to the head for both of them. "And you still carry that thing around?"

"Y-yes. Do you have a problem with that!"

"You just look really stupid with it."

"I do not."

"SHUT UP!" snapped Hitsugaya. "Can you people not argue for once? It's giving me a headache."

"Jeez…what's up with you, taichou? You're not acting like yourself. Cheating…" said Matsumoto.

"I didn't cheat."

"Yes, you did. When you caused Tatsuki to slip on ice."

"That wasn't cheating, that was revenge."

"Revenge? What she do to you?"

"She knocked me over and called me short."

"She…knocked…you…over…" Matsumoto got out before she burst into laughter.

"What's so funny?" Hitsugaya asked, sounding a bit ticked off.

"It's just…ha ha… I never thought…you would…actually admit if someone ran you over!" She continued her manically laughter.

"Grrr…" Hitsugaya used shunpo to get away from them. _God, I need a vacation. A really long one._

"Eh, what's his problem?" asked Matsumoto as soon as she got her laughter under control.

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's the fact you were laughing at him," stated Ichigo as if that were the most obvious thing in the world.

"So?"

"Never mind." _I can see why Hitsugaya would leave, being surrounded by idiots all the time. _

"Damn, I didn't get to finish telling him how he's not acting like himself."

"What else did he do that wasn't normal?" asked Renji.

"He stuck his tongue out at me and Rukia," said Matsumoto in mock offense.

"Perhaps he's going through a rebellious phase," suggested Yumichika.

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"That he's reached puberty," stated Ichigo bluntly.

"Eh, my taichou? No way."

"Hey, you never know. But when his voice starts to crack, you'll know we were right."

The group started to walk away. Matsumoto just stood there. _Could he be going through puberty?_

"H-hey, wait up," yelled Matsumoto, running to catch up with the group. "Just what exactly happens when boys reach puberty?"

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Yeah, it's done! I don't think it's very funny, or very good. But then again…I never think anything I do is good, after I've written it, at least.

Most of the story was typed after I got my eyes dilated. So there were like these funky…blob things around the words as I was typing, starting about the time Renji and Ichigo are talking about catching a ball after it touches something else and now.

Stupid dilation.


	13. Broadway, Here We Come!

Riiiiigggghht. I was bored last night, and this idea popped into my head. Basically, their in a music history class, and they are studying….MUSICALS! Yeah, and eventually, they're gonna sing the songs. Shall be quite enjoyable when they do that.

Don't own Bleach or the songs from the musicals, those belong to the composers of the musicals.

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Broadway…here we come!

"Okay class, we are done with baroque composers! Now…."

The class erupted into fits of joy, well, most of the class, some thought that was beneath them. (You know who.) The torture was finally _over_.

"Settle down. I said, settle down. SETTLE DOWN!" The class settled down. "Our next area of study is….MUSICALS! Isn't that exciting?" exclaimed Fuji-sensei.

The class just stared back as if they thought he was crazy.

"I told you he was gay," one student whispered to another.

"Yeah, what straight guy likes musicals?" (AN: I know plenty. Theatre people are cool.)

"Do you mean Japanese musicals?"

"No, Broadway musicals. Now, for the first assignment, you are matching songs with the correct musical."

"I thought he was going to say we were going to sing them," whispered Ikkaku to Renji.

"How very perceptive of you, Madarame! You shall indeed be singing these songs. But, I want you to look them up so you have some clue what's in store for you." Insert maniacal laughter. "Excuse me; I lost myself for a bit. Now, here are the worksheets. Good luck."

The bell rang. The class picked up the sheets as they left.

--Ichigo's House--

"Musicals! Why the hell do we have to learn about musicals!" ranted Ikkaku.

"I think some musicals are quite beautiful," said Yumichika.

"Ichigo, what's a musical?" asked Rukia.

"Yeah, what is a musical?" asked Ikkaku.

"How can you rant about musicals and not know what it is?" asked Ichigo.

"It sounds girly, and Yumichika likes it. We don't agree on a lot of things."

"I see. Anyway, a musical is basically…a play, with lots of singing and dancing."

"It is girly!"

"So, how are we supposed to know what songs go to what musical?" asked Matsumoto.

"Well, Fuji-sensei probably went with musicals we should know."

"You mean, you should know, since you are from here," said Renji.

"When I said 'we' I meant the class."

"Really? My bad."

"Can we just start the assignment?" snapped Hitsugaya.

"What? You haven't done it?" asked Ikkaku.

"No."

"Oh my god! Something the tensai doesn't know!" exclaimed everyone excluding Hitsugaya and Ichigo.

"How the hell am I supposed to know about musicals when I've been dead like the rest of you!"

"Fair point," said Matsumoto.

"Whatever," said Ikkaku. "I'm relishing in the fact that he doesn't know _everything._"

"I would shut up, if you know what's good for you," said Hitsugaya with a glare directed to the bald one.

"Oh my god!" exclaimed Yumichika. "That is such a disgusting name for a song."

"What is?" asked Rukia.

"The first song on the page."

Everyone looked down at the first song. It read as thus: 'The Internet Is For Porn'.

"What the hell?" said Renji.

"Well, a bunch of perverts do use the internet for porn," said Ichigo.

"What's the internet?" asked Rukia.

"I'll explain it later."

"But…"

"Later. It will take too long to explain now."

"Fine," she said, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Do you know what musical is from?" asked Yumichika.

"No. Let's just come back to it later. Process of elimination, it always works. Anyways, what are the musicals?"

"Let's see: _Avenue Q, Monty Python's Spamalot, Grease, 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, The Producers, The Sound of Music, Cabaret_…."

"Isn't cabaret the French word for whore house?" asked Ichigo.

"Isn't it amazing how the French can make such an ugly thing sound beautiful," said Yumichika wistfully.

"I'll take that as a yes."

"May I continue?" asked Matsumoto, a little testily.

"Yes."

"_Rent, Sweeny Todd, Wicked, The Little Shop of Horrors, _and_ West Side Story_" (AN: I use more than one song from some musicals.)

"Do you know any of those?" asked Renji.

"I know some."

"Well, that's good."

"Okay, the next song is, 'Mooning'," read Rukia.

"Um…I don't know. Let's just skip it."

"That one's a little obvious," commented Hitsugaya.

"Which one?"

"'The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee.'"

"Yeah…it is."

"One down, a lot more to go," said Renji.

"Um…I think 'Seasons of Love' is from _Rent_," said Ichigo.

"Are you sure?" asked Rukia.

"Yeah."

"How do you know this?" asked Ikkaku. "Do you make it a point to go and see musicals? Is that it? Are you…" WHAM! Ichigo's fist connected with Ikkaku's face.

"Shut up. They made it into a movie and Yuzu dragged us off to go see it."

"Sure she did," said Ikkaku sarcastically, and was rewarded with another punch.

"'Springtime for Hitler'?"

"That's from _The Producers_. It's a really funny song."

"D…" Ichigo had punched him before he could get his taunt out.

"Made it into a movie, saw it." (AN: First it was a movie, then adapted into a musical, then the musical was adapted into a movie. Saw the first movie. It has Gene Wilder in it. Shutting up now.)

"S.." And once again Ichigo punched him before he could say a word.

"He doesn't," said Hitsugaya.

"You're in a violent mood today," commented Matsumoto.

"What's the next song?" asked Ichigo through gritted teeth.

"'You Won't Succeed On Broadway,'" read Yumichika, completely unfazed by Ikkaku being attacked.

"Some friend you are," Ikkaku muttered.

"Have no idea. Next."

"'Little Priest'."

"Once again…"

"You don't know," Hitsugaya finished for him. This earned Hitsugaya a glare from Ichigo, which he returned.

"'I Feel Pretty.' Oh, I like the name of this song."

"That's from _West Side Story._ It was made into a movie."

"They sure make a lot of musicals into movies," commented Renji.

"I think it's because they do so good on Broadway that they want to earn more money, so they make them into movies."

"By the way, I've been meaning to ask. What's Broadway?"

"Broadway is a street in New York City. A street famous for all the musicals that show there."

"Oh, okay."

"The next song is 'The Ballad of Sweeny Todd.' Okay, that one's pretty self explanatory. Next is 'We Go Together.'"

"That's from _Grease_."

"Let me guess," said Ikkaku. "It was made into a movie."

"Yes."

"The next song is 'My Favorite Things,'" read Yumichika.

"Everyone knows that's from _The Sound of Music_."

"Really?" asked Ikkaku

"Yeah, that song has always been associated with that musical."

"Was it made into a movie?"

"Yeah."

"There seems to be a recurring thing going on here."

"Which everyone else figured out awhile ago," said Ichigo with a look of 'you-are-so-stupid.'

"They did? When?"

"Back when we were discussing 'I Feel Pretty.'"

"Oh."

"'Gee, Officer Krupke!'"

"That's just ironic."

"What's ironic?" asked Matsumoto.

"I was talking to Ikkaku about 'I Feel Pretty,' which is from _West Side Story_, and the next song is from the same musical."

"Eh, you're right."

"This is a rather…unique…name. 'Everyone's A Little Bit Racist.'"

"…"

"I don't know," said Ichigo, looking very surprised that such a song would even exist. In fact, most of them had a look like that on their face as well. You all know who didn't.

"Another song with a unique name. 'I'm Not That Smart.'"

"That should be the song Ikkaku sings," commented Hitsugaya.

"I agree," said Ichigo.

"Hey!" exclaimed Ikkaku. "I'm…" He was silenced as the two glared at him.

"Nobody knows the musical?" asked Rukia.

"No."

"'Skid Row (Downtown)'."

"That's from _The Little Shop of Horrors_."

"Also made into a movie, I suppose," said Hitsugaya.

"Actually, I think it started out as a movie, became a musical, then a movie again." (AN: Wikipedia also said that there was a cartoon based off of it.)

"Fascinating."

"The next song is 'Prisoners of Love.'

"Um…I think that's from _The Producers_ as well."

"Okay then. Wait, why does it go from something like 'Springtime for Hitler,' to 'Prisoners of Love?'" asked Renji.

"Cause it's about two guys trying to make money by producing a flop. Springtime for Hitler is the musical they put on, but it does too good, so they blow up the theatre, get arrested, and produce Prisoners of Love in jail."

"Okay then."

"'Pandemonium.'"

"Have no clue."

"'Willkommen.' German, such an ugly sounding language."

"You've said that before," said Matsumoto.

"Really, when?"

"When Hitsugaya had to teach us German cause Ichigo walked out on us."

"I tend to forget ugly things."

"Obviously."

"Do we know what musical it's from?" asked Ikkaku.

"Um…maybe it's from _The Producers_ cause Hitler's from Germany and all that," said Ichigo.

"Do you really know?" asked Hitsugaya.

"No, but that seems about right. It's not like we have any other logical choice."

"If you say so."

"'Somewhere That's Green,'" read Yumichika.

"_Little Shop of Horrors_."

"'Der Guten Tag Hop Clop.'"

"_The Producers_."

"Let me guess, because it's German and Hitler was from Germany," said Ikkaku.

"No, I remember that song because it was so stupid and it's was supposed to be Hitler's favorite song."

"Really? How was it stupid?" asked Rukia.

"You'll just have to wait until someone sings it."

"You don't remember, do you?" asked Hitsugaya.

"…Yes, I don't remember it. Next song."

"'Keep It Gay.'"

"I don't know."

"'Schadenfreude.'"

"I'm gonna go with _The Producers_."

"Cause it's German," taunted Hitsugaya.

"Yeah," said Ichigo with a glare at Hitsugaya. "It's not like _you _know them."

Hitsugaya glared back.

"Hey Ichigo, do you know where the next song is from?" asked Matsumoto quickly, hoping to insure no violence between Hitsugaya and Ichigo. She didn't care what happened to baldy, but she did about Hitsugaya.

"Uh…what's the next song?"

"'Dentist!'"

"That's from…_Little Shop of Horrors._"

"Now all we need to do is guess on the ones we don't know," said Renji.

"Right. Back to the beginning. Ummm….since the first song is about porn, I think it should go with _Cabaret_."

"That makes sense," said Rukia.

Hitsugaya looked skeptical, but put it down anyways.

"… 'You Won't Succeed On Broadway'… anyone have any ideas?"

"I've got it!" exclaimed Rukia. "It's from _Avenue Q,_ since an avenue is a name for a street and Broadway is a street!"

"Sure, why not?"

"That brings us back to 'Little Priest,'" said Yumichika.

"Hm…maybe it's with _Monty Python's Spamalot_, since Spamalot sounds a lot like Camelot, and there may have been a priest involved."

"'Everyone's A Little Bit Racist?'"

"Anyone?"

"Um…let's just put it with _Sweeny Todd_, cause we have no clue what it's about. Maybe this Sweeny Todd person is racist and is singing about everyone being racist," suggested Renji.

"I think 'I'm Not Smart' goes with Putnam County," said Hitsugaya, "since it's about a spelling bee and you have to be smart to spell all the words in a spelling bee."

"Brilliant, taichou!" exclaimed Matsumoto.

"It's called 'going with your gut feeling.'"

"'Pandemonium'….I think that should go with _Sweeny Todd_," said Yumichika. "Seeing as we have no clue what it is about."

"Since everyone is guessing, I'll give it a shout. 'Keep It Gay' probably goes with_ Cabaret_," said Ikkaku.

"Why?" asked Ichigo and Hitsugaya in unison.

"Why not?"

"Oh," said Matsumoto. "We almost forgot 'Mooning.'"

"…I think," said Ichigo hesitantly. "I think that 'Mooning' is a song the left out of the _Grease_ movie. I read about it somewhere."

"Why didn't you say that earlier?" snapped Ikkaku.

"Cause I wasn't sure, idiot!"

"Idiot! Why…." Matsumoto punched Ikkaku.

"Calm down, baldy. You should be used to people calling you stupid by now."

Ikkaku glared at her.

"Well, goodbye," Matsumoto said as she and Hitsugaya left.

"Yes, goodbye," said Yumichika as he and Ikkaku followed the two out the door.

"Singing Broadway show tunes, huh," said Ichigo as he collapsed on his bed. "It be interesting to see Ikkaku sing."

"And it'd be interesting to see you sing," Rukia said in a sing-song voice as she left his room.

"Ugh," Ichigo groaned into his pillow. _Stupid teachers._

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Now that we know the songs, perhaps I should give you the correct pairings.

Here they be:

Avenue Q: The Internet Is For Porn,Everyone's A Little Bit Racist,and Schadenfreude

Monty Python's Spamalot:You Wont' Succeed On Broadway

Grease: Mooning, We Go Together

25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee: The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, Pandemonium,I'm Not That Smart

The Producers: Springtime for Hitler, Prisoners of Love, Keep It Gay Der Guten Tag Hop Clop

The Sound Of Music: My Favorite Things

Cabaret: Willkommen

Rent: Seasons Of Love

Sweeny Todd: Little Priest, The Ballad of Sweeny Todd

Little Shop of Horrors: Skid Row (Downtown), Somewhere That's Green, Dentist!

West Side Story: Gee, Officer Krupke, I Feel Pretty

Now then, we shall have them singing them, but… I would like you to be the ones to decide what they sing. And you can use any character in Bleach; just give a reason why they are there if they aren't in the living world. If you can't, I'll think of something.

Also, if you don't know the songs, and if enough of you ask, I might put links to the song lyrics in my profile to help you decide.


	14. Boredom Sucks

This is chapter is based off of What I do in Hueco Mundo.

Might be some shonen-ai if you read between the lines. Just warning ya.

Don't own.

For: Ahotep, enjoy.

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Boredom Sucks

Gin was bored. Really bored. There wasn't much to do in Hueco Mundo. He should have stayed in Soul Society. There, at least, he could mess with people. Especially Hitsugaya. He loved messing with the short captain. It was so much fun.

_I could go and poke out Ulquiorra's eye out again. It's fun watchin' it grow back. But…that's not that fun anymore. Not to mention, he's gotten good at avoiding me. How sad. Oh! I could always go to the livin' world and see the others. Yes, that's what I'll do._

--Karakura High School--

Gin suppressed his reiatsu so that the shinigami wouldn't sense him. He didn't want to get caught before he had any fun. He could sense Ichigo's reiatsu, and so…began to scale the building until he reached the proper floor. Conveniently, there was a window open, so he sat on the sill.

_Oh goodie! It's at the back of the room. If it was at the front, my fun'd be over already._

_What are they doin'? _Gin wondered as he leaned further into the classroom to see what was happening at the front.

A strange human boy was at the front of the class. He was making a lot of noise and waving his arms around dramatically. (AN: Bet ya ten guesses who it is. And the first nine don't count.)

The oldest person in the room waved her fist around and the young man stopped his waving and shouting. He looked at the teacher, who glared back. He then began to sing.

"Hm," he said, his constant smile getting just a tad bit larger. He liked this song.

After a few minutes the boy stopped singing and ran, flailing his arms to the empty desk where he yelled something like, "Those are not _my _favorite things! I tell you, they are not!"

Gin found this boy to be quite amusing. A bell rang, momentarily surprising him, which caused the control of his reiatsu to slip.

Hitsugaya turned around quickly and made eye contact with Gin. "Ichimaru," he said. Gin smiled and waved before jumping back down to the ground.

--Hueco Mundo--

Gin was happy. Not even Aizen looking at him in a disappointed manner could bring him down.

"Gin," Aizen said, glancing at the silver haired shinigami.

"Yes," said Gin with an innocent look on his face.

"You went to the living world. Why?"

"Cause I was bored. Ain't like I did anything. Just went there to find somethin' fun."

"True. But still…please don't go again."

"Okay."

--The Next Day--

Gin stared up at the ceiling of his room. He was sprawled across his bed, bored out of his mind, yet again.

_What to do? Let's see:_

_Poke out Ulquiorra's eye: did already_

_Tease Grimmjaw cause he only got one arm now: did dat too_

_Draw on Tousen's mask while he was sleeping: done. Wonder if any body told him he's got pretty pictures on his mask? _

_Stare at Aizen: done_

_Mess with the other Arrancar: did, several times over_

_Done everythin' already. 'Cept…I could sing the song I learned yesterday. _

_How'd it go again?_

And so he sang the following song: (AN: If you know the tune, sing it in your head.)

"Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens  
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens  
Brown paper packages tied up with strings  
These are a few of my favorite things

Cream colored ponies and crisp apple streudels  
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles  
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings  
These are a few of my favorite things

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes  
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes  
Silver white winters that melt into springs  
These are a few of my favorite things

When the dog bites  
When the bee stings  
When I'm feeling sad  
I simply remember my favorite things  
And then I don't feel so bad

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens  
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens  
Brown paper packages tied up with strings  
These are a few of my favorite things

Cream colored ponies and crisp apple streudels  
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles  
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings  
These are a few of my favorite things

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes  
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes  
Silver white winters that melt into springs  
These are a few of my favorite things

When the dog bites  
When the bee stings  
When I'm feeling sad  
I simply remember my favorite things  
And then I don't feel so bad."

_Yes, that was fun. Now I ain't bored anymore. _

_Wish I could go back to the livin' world. It was fun. And I could learn a new song. Hmm…but Tousen probably wouldn't like it an' would come after me. Probably cut my arm off, like he did Grimmjaw. Then I couldn't make fun of him. _

_Maybe I should go to the livin' world just ta see Tousen's reaction. That'd be worth it. Cause I liked to see him try an' cut my arm off._

_But…that's another time. Right now…I feel like singing again. This time, I'll…sing it to somebody! I know! Ulquiorra! Cause he always look like he need to be cheered up._

--Tousen--

"Um…Tousen-sama," said a random Arrancar that wasn't an Espada and of no importance to plot whatsoever.

"Yes, what is it?" he responded.

"Um…someone seems to have…drawn…on your eye mask, sir."

"Wha! Who…Gin!"

Tousen rushed off to go and deal with the silver haired shinigami.

--Gin & Ulquiorra--

Gin swore he could have seen Ulquiorra's mouth twitch upward. He was finally getting somewhere with the constantly sad Arrancar.

"Gin!" came Tousen's voice from outside the room.

"Oh," escaped his lips softly. _Somebody told him about my loverly art work. Why is he so upset?_

"Why did you draw on me!"

"I didn't draw on you."

"Yes, you did."

"No, I drew on your mask. There's a difference between ya and your mask."

"You find this amusing, don't you?"

"Of course."

"W…"

"Tousen-sama, you should calm down. I'm sure it will come off easily," said Ulquiorra.

Tousen looked at Ulquiorra, then turned around and left.

Gin also looked at Ulquiorra. _Perhaps he ain't so borin' after all, since he stood up for me. _

"I'm gonna go sing the song for Aizen now," Gin said as he left the room. "Bye."

"Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens…"

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It is finished! Yeah, and it's five in the morning. I've been up all day, hopefully, it will stay that way. This is really stupid, seeing as I have to chauffeur my sister's friends around.

Also, request songs, from those listed in previous chapter, you want the characters to sing, and it can be based on the title of the song. And it can be any character, as demonstrated above.


	15. Willkommen, beinvenue, Welcome

To all those who asked for Hitsugaya singing: HE SINGS!

Right, the song he sings has dialogue from the musical, but I find it amusing, so he's gonna say it. Also, the song is in German, French, and English, in that order. It's the exact same thing in every language.

Oh, and if the French is supposed to have special symbols or what not, blame the website where I got it from, it doesn't have the special symbols. Or if it's spelt wrong.

Don't own Bleach or Cabaret.

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Willkommen, Bienvenue, Welcome

Hitsugaya couldn't believe it. He was the next vict-student who got to sing.

He slowly walked to the front and stuck his hand in the top hat that had the songs. He pulled out a slip of paper and read it. "Willkommen"-_Cabaret_. _I knew Ichigo had guessed wrong on this song. Putting it with _The Producers _just cause it was German. _

He showed the paper to Fuji-sensei. He let out a little bout of evil laughter and got him the lyrics.

Hitsugaya looked over the lyrics. "Do I have to read the dialogue too?"

"Yes, now go outside and memorize the lyrics. I'll get you in fifteen minutes," said Fuji-sensei as he pushed Hitsugaya outside.

Hitsugaya sat down on the floor and began to memorize the lyrics.

--Fifteen Minutes Later--

"Hitsugaya you can come in now."

Hitsugaya walked slowly into the classroom, a slight blush visible on his cheeks. This…song, if you could call it that, was just plain lewd. It was so perverted, which explained why Fuji-sensei had laughed so evilly.

"Alright, Hitsugaya, you may begin. Oh, and he's singing 'Willkommen' from _Cabaret_."

Hitsugaya began to sing: (AN: _words that are like this_ are the dialogue in the song.)

"Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome!

Fremde, etranger, stranger

Glücklich zu sehen, je suis enchante,

Happy to see you, bleibe, reste, stay

Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome,

Im Cabaret, au Cabaret, to Cabaret

_Meine Damen und Herren, Mesdames et Messieurs,_

_Ladies and Gentlemen! Guten Abend, bon soir, Good Evening_

_Wie geht's? Comment ca va? Do you feel good?_

_I bet you do!_

_Ich bin euer Confrecier; je suis votre compere…_

_I am you host!_

Und Sagen

Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome

Im Cabaret, au Cabaret, to Cabaret

_Leave you troubles outside! _ "I thought he could speak good English," whispered someone.

_So-life is disappointing? Forget it!_

_We have no troubles here! Here life is beautiful…_

_The girls are beautiful… _The perverts snickered.

_Even the orchestra is beautiful! _The class looked clueless.

_You see? I told you the orchestra is beautiful! _"There's supposed to be music here," Fuji-sensei explained to the class.

_And now presenting the Cabaret Girls!_

_Rosie! (Rosie is so called because the color of her cheeks.)_

_Lulu! (Oh, you like Lulu? Well, too bad! So does Rosie.) _More snickers.

_Frenchie! (You know I like to order Frenchie on the side. _"Oh really, didn't know you were like that!" _On your side Frenchie! Just kidding!)_

_Texas! (Yes, Texas is from America! But she's a very cunning linguist!) _Even more snickers.

_Fritzie! (Oh, Fritzie, please, will you stop that! _"Stop what?" random pervert said suggestively. _Already this week we have lost two waiters, a table and three bottles of champagne up there.)_

_and Helga! (Helga is the baby. I'm just like a father to her. _"Really now?" _So when she is very bad, I spank her. And she's very, very, very, very, very bad.) _And once again, snickers. It's like they can't do anything else.

_Rosie, Lulu, Frenchie, Texas, Fritzie…und Helga._

_Each and everyone…a virgin! _Snickers yet again. See, I told you, that's all they can do. _You don't believe me?_

_Well, don't take my word for it. Go ahead- try Helga. _"Don't mind if I do!"

_Outside it is winter. But in here it's so hot. _

_Every night we have to battle with the girls to keep _

_Them from taking off all their clothings. _"Aw, that's no fun." _So don't go_

_away. Who knows? Tonight we may lose the battle! _"Would love to see that!"

Wir sagen

Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome

Im Cabaret, au Cabaret, to Cabaret!

_We are here to serve you!_

_And now presenting the Kit Kat Boys: _"Wait, BOYS!" said random pervert guy #2. Most girls drool, you should know who doesn't.

_Here they are!_

_Bobby! Victor!_

_Or is it_

_Victor! and Bobby…_

_You know, there's really only one way to tell the _

_Difference…_ And cue snickering._ That's getting really annoying,_ thought Hitsugaya as he continued to sing.

_Hans (Oh Hans, go easy on the sauerkraut)_

_Herrman (You know the funny thing about Herrman? _"What?"_ There's nothing funny about Herrman!)_

_And, finally, the toast of Mayfir, Fraulein Sally Bowles_

_Hello, darlings! This song should have more than one person singing it, _thought Hitsugaya.

Bleibe, reste, stay.

Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome

_That's Victor. _"Oh, right," said Fuji-sensei, "All the people mentioned earlier are also singing, but we only have Hitsugaya."

Im Cabaret, au Cabaret

Hitsugaya whispered the next part, because the song lyrics had said to.

Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome!

Fremde, etranger, stranger

_Hello, stranger!_

Glücklich zu sehen, je suis enchante,

_Enchante, Madame._

Happy to see you,

Bleibe, reste, stay!

Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome!

Fremde, etranger, stranger.

Glücklich zu sehen, je suis enchante,

Happy to see you,

Bleibe, reste, stay!

Wir sagen

Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome

Im Cabaret, au Cabaret, to Cabaret

_Thank you!_

_Bobby, Victor, Hans, Herrman, Rosie, Lulu, Frenchie, _

_Texas, Fritzie, Helga, Sally and Me!_

_Welcome to the Kit Kat Klub!_

"I thought the name was Cabaret," said stupid random pervert dude.

"No, it's Kit Kat Klub. Cabaret is the name of the musical," said Fuji-sensei.

Hitsugaya sat back down. He did not like this song, and he did not like singing it. He also learned that teenage humans were very perverted. _I hope I don't get like that when I hit puberty. It's disgusting._

_­_--Later--

"Hitsugaya, you should have seen your face," said Ikkaku after school. "You were as red as a tomato."

"Shut up," snapped Hitsugaya, who could feel a blush trying to creep up his face.

"What? Oh…let me guess, you're embarrassed about sex. That's got to be it, otherwise why else would your face have gotten so bright?"

"I said shut up."

"Was that song too much for you virgin ears?"

"…"

"Geez, one would think that after spending so much time around Matsumoto you get over the whole issue of sex."

"And just what is that supposed to mean?" asked Matsumoto dangerously from behind Ikkaku.

"Uh…n-nothing," said Ikkaku as he turned around to look at Matsumoto. Bad idea. She looked livid.

"Nothing? Yeah right. I think you are implying that I'm a dirty ho."

"No, n-nothing like that. I just meant that since you have big assets and you get drunk a lot that you…." _Ah, shit. I just dug myself deeper, didn't I?_

"Why…!"

Matsumoto lunged to Ikkaku, who quickly ran off in the other direction. Matsumoto began to chase after him.

"Do you think we should stop them?" asked Renji.

"No, let him suffer," said Hitsugaya.

"If you say so."

The remaining members of the group went to the proper places, to work on the evil that is homework.

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Hm…once again, I don't think it's terribly funny. It's funny, but how much, I don't know.

I decided to pick a perverted song for our innocent Hitsugaya to sing.

Next time…I feel pretty, witty, and GAY! Sung by someone you least expect it. Except for the person who requested it.


	16. Kenpachi's Musical Debut

I'm back! Yosh! Been really lazy lately. And tired. Been staying up late, and then having my grandma come in and wake me up at 10 to go do something involving wasting my gas, which is already low.

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or West Side Story.

Request for: i-luv-kyo-kun

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Kenpachi's Musical Début

Yachiru was happy. The feathered one (AN: I don't know what she would call Yumichika or remember what she calls him, this will have to do. And it'll probably change through out the chapter) had sent song lyrics from a song he had sung in the living world. She wanted Ken-chan to sing it.

--Later--

"Ken-chhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnn," exclaimed Yachiru upon spotting her dear captain.

"What is it?" Kenpachi asked as he looked over at the hyper active pink haired girl.

"I want you to sing this song!"

"You want me…to….sing a song?"

"Yes!"

"No."

Ah, but Ken-chan, you haven't even looked at the song," she whined, waving around the piece of paper.

"Fine, let me look." There was a pause as Kenpachi read over the lyrics. "Hell no!"

"Why not?"

"This….song... is meant to be sung by girls. I'm not gonna lower myself by singing this shit."

"But Ken-chan…."

"No."  
"KEN-CHAN WILL SING THE SONG!" Yachiru yelled angrily, giving off an eerie presence.

"Okay….okay…I'll sing the damn song."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Yeah!" Yachiru exclaimed as she jumped into the air to express her joy.

"Let me look over it some more, then I'll sing it."

"Okay."

A few seconds later. "Are you done yet?" (AN: Heh…like "Are we there yet?")

"No."

Couple seconds later, "Are you done yet?"

"No."

Few more seconds later, "Are you done yet?"

"No."

"Are you done yet?"

"No."

"Are you done yet?"

"No."

"Are you done yet?"

"No!"

"Are you done yet?"

"No!"

"Are you done yet?"

"NO!"

"Are you done yet?"

"NO!"

"Are you done yet?"

"NO!"

"Ar…."

"Fine, I'll sing the stupid song now!"

"Yeah!"

Kenpachi mumbled something along the lines of crazy little kids.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

"Are you going to sing now?"

"Yes."

"I feel pretty,  
Oh, so pretty,  
I feel pretty and witty and gay! (AN: It's 'bright' but…most people will be used to 'gay' cause the movie. And I find it a lot more amusing. )  
And I pity  
Any girl who isn't me tonight.

I feel charming,  
Oh, so charming  
It's alarming how charming I feel!  
And so pretty  
That I hardly can believe I'm real.

See the pretty girl in that mirror there:  
Who can that attractive girl be?  
Such a pretty face,  
Such a pretty dress,  
Such a pretty smile,  
Such a pretty me!

I feel stunning  
And entrancing,  
Feel like running and dancing for joy,  
For I'm loved  
By a pretty wonderful boy!  
Have you met my good friend Maria,  
The craziest girl on the block?  
You'll know her the minute you see her,  
She's the one who is in an advanced state of shock.

She thinks she's in love.  
She thinks she's in Spain.  
She isn't in love,  
She's merely insane.

It must be the heat  
Or some rare disease,  
Or too much to eat  
Or maybe it's fleas.

Keep away from her,  
Send for Chino!  
This is not the  
Maria we know!

Modest and pure,  
Polite and refined,  
Well-bred and mature  
And out of her mind!

I feel pretty,  
Oh, so pretty  
That the city should give me its key.  
A committee  
Should be organized to honor me.

La la la la . . .  
I feel dizzy,  
I feel sunny,  
I feel fizzy and funny and fine,  
And so pretty,  
Miss America can just resign!  
La la la la . . .  
See the pretty girl in that mirror there:  
What mirror where?

Who can that attractive girl be? Which? What? Where? Whom?  
Such a pretty face,  
Such a pretty dress,  
Such a pretty smile,  
Such a pretty me!  
Such a pretty me!  
I feel stunning  
And entrancing,  
Feel like running and dancing for joy,  
For I'm loved  
By a pretty wonderful boy!"

By the time Kenpachi was done singing the song, a crowd of his 11th division had gathered around the office door, many of which were laughing at the sight of their captain singing such a ridiculous song.

"And just….what…are you morons laughing at!" Kenpachi yelled in angry as he charged at his own men with his zanpakuto drawn.

--A Bit Later, At 4th division--

"Isane, why are there so many 11th division squad members here," Unohana asked.

"Um…I believe it is because they've been injured by Zaraki-taichou," was the reply."

"Now why would he do that?"

"I don't know."

"Well, I'm going to find out."

And with that Unohana headed for the 11th division barracks.

--At 11th Division--

"Zaraki-taichou," Unohana questioned as she entered into the office.

"What do you want," Kenpachi snapped.

"I want to know the reason why you have sent so many of your own men to my division for treatment."

"Cause they laughed at me," Kenpachi said in a soft voice.

"Excuse me?"

"They laughed at me," he repeated a bit louder.

"They…laughed at you? Why would they do that?"

"Yachiru made me sing this stupid song."

"Oh really, and what might that be?"

"Uh…damn, I've lost the paper it was on."

"Well, why don't you sing it to me?"

"No way in hell will I sing that song a second time."

--A Few Minutes Later—

"…By a pretty wonderful boy!"

"You have a very lovely singing voice said Unohana as Kenpachi finished singing the song.

Kenpachi glared at the woman. He still didn't understand how the healer lady had gotten to sing that song for a second time.

"Well, I'll be going now," said Unohana as she rose out of the chair, using all of her will not to show any signs of laughter.

As Unohana left his office, he thought, _She is laughing at me._

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Tada! A new chapter! How long has it been? Sorry for the shortness.

Anyways…next up is another request. You should request some too.

Right, reason for the title is cause Kenpachi doesn't have a song/songs out like Gin and Hitsugaya do.

Preview of the song:

The Jews have all  
The money  
And the whites have all  
The power.  
And I'm always in taxi-cab  
With driver who no shower!

See you next chapter. ♥


	17. Gary Coleman, Christmas Eve?

Ichigo shall be singing. Woot!

**Disclaimer: **Do not own Bleach or Avenue Q.

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Gary Coleman, Christmas Eve?

Today was Ichigo's lucky day; he got to sing a Broadway show tune. Now, which one he was singing, as he had yet to pick the song.

The teacher called him to draw from the hat. He reached in a pulled out the slip that read: Avenue Q, "Everyone's A Little Bit Racist."

_The song with the strange title…fun. _

Ichigo took the lyrics the teacher handed to him and walked out side to study them. He looked at the number of pages….._Damn, this is a long song. _(AN: The song is five pages long at a _small _font, veranda 8, I believe….)

Ichigo looked at the first page, and the second, and the….._Gary Coleman? Isn't he some American actor from some sitcom that went 'Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Willis?' Oh well._

On the last page, he just stared at it. There was a character by the name of….Christmas Eve? _Okay then…_ And the character appeared to be Asian, giving from the fact that the English looked really bad.

--15 minutes later--

Ichigo walked into the classroom and was as prepared as he could be to sing this song. Even if it meant that he had to sound like the stereotypical Asian in American eyes. (AN: I'm making Ichigo have perfect English….cause I feel like it. If you don't know what I mean, just ask…)

"What parts do I sing….cause a lot of this seems like dialogue."

"Here, here, here, here and here….Okay?"

"Okay….."

Say, Kate, can I ask you a question? (AN: First character is Princeton)

Sure!

Well, you know Trekkie Monster upstairs?

Uh huh.

Well, he's Trekkie Monster, and you're Kate Monster.

Right.

You're both Monsters.

Yeah.

Are you two related?

What! Princeton, I'm surprised at you! I find that racist! -By this point, the class was laughing their asses off. You see, Ichigo was change his voices so the class could differentiate between characters, so he had a slight girly-ness to his voice when he read Kate's lines that they found amusing.-

Oh, well, I'm sorry! I was just asking!

Well, it's a touchy subject

No, not all Monsters are related.

What are you trying to say, huh?

That we all look the same to you?

Huh, huh, huh? - Ichigo had given up on the different voices, the laughter was starting to irk him.-

No, no, no, not at all. I'm sorry,

I guess that was a little racist.

I should say so. You should be much more

careful when you're talking about the

sensitive subject of race.

Well, look who's talking!

What do you mean?

What about that special Monster School you told me about?

What about it?

Could someone like me go there?

No, we don't want people like you-

You see!

_You're a little bit racist. _(AN: This line still Princeton) "Kurosaki, could you go back to singing in different voices. It'll be less confusing to the class. And your grade will be higher." Ichigo scowled but complied. He cared about his grade.

_Well, you're a little bit too._

_I guess we're both a little bit racist_

_Admitting it is not an easy thing to do…_

_But I guess it's true_

_Between me and you,  
I think__Everyone's a little bit racist  
Sometimes.  
Doesn't mean we go  
Around committing hate crimes.  
Look around and you will find  
No one's really color blind.  
Maybe it's a fact  
We all should face  
Everyone makes judgments  
Based on race._

Now not big judgments, like who to hire  
or who to buy a newspaper from – (Princeton)

No!

No, just little judgments like thinking that Mexican  
busboys should learn to speak goddamn English!

Right!

_Everyone's a little bit racist  
Today.  
So, everyone's a little bit racist  
Okay!  
Ethnic jokes might be uncouth,  
But you laugh because  
They're based on truth.  
Don't take them as  
Personal attacks.  
Everyone enjoys them -  
So relax!_

All right, stop me if you've heard this one. (Princeton)

Okay!

There's a plan going down and there's only  
one parachute. And there's a rabbi, a priest...

And a black guy!

Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Kate? (Gary Coleman…)Uh...

You were telling a black joke!

Well, sure, Gary, but lots of people tell black jokes. (Princeton)

I don't.

Well, of course you don't - you're black!  
But I bet you tell Polack jokes, right?

Well, sure I do. Those stupid Polacks!

Now, don't you think that's a little racist?

Well, damn, I guess you're right.

_You're a little bit racist. _(Kate)

_Well, you're a little bit too. _

We're all a little bit racist.I think that I would  
Have to agree with you.We're glad you do.It's sad but true!  
Everyone's a little bit racist -

All right!

All right!

All right!

All right!  
_Bigotry has never been  
Exclusively white_ (Gary)

_If we all could just admit  
That we are racist a little bit,  
Even though we all know  
That it's wrong,  
Maybe it would help us  
Get along.  
_  
Oh, Christ do I feel good. (Princeton)

Now there was a fine upstanding black man! (Gary)

Who?Jesus Christ.

But, Gary, Jesus was white. (Kate)

No, Jesus was black.

No, Jesus was white.

No, I'm pretty sure that Jesus was black-

Guys, guys...Jesus was Jewish! (Princeton)

Hey guys, what are you laughing about? (Brian, there are 5 people in this song, poor Ichigo.)

Racism! (Gary)

Cool.

BRIAN! Come back here! (Christmas Eve….strange name.)  
You take out lecycuraburs!

What's that mean? (Princeton)

Um, recyclables. (Brian)  
Hey, don't laugh at her! -The class was confused with this line. Fuji-sensei commented, "In the musical, the other characters laugh at that."-  
How many languages do you speak?

Oh, come off it, Brian!  
Everyone's a little bit racist. (Kate)

I'm not!

Oh no? (Princeton)

Nope!

_How many Oriental wives  
Have you got?_

What? Brian! (Christmas Eve)

_Brian, buddy, where you been?_ (Princeton)  
_The term is Asian-American!_

_I know you are no  
Intending to be  
But calling me Oriental -  
Offensive to me!_

I'm sorry, honey, I love you.

And I love you.

But you're racist, too.

Yes, I know_.  
The Jews have all  
The money  
And the whites have all  
The power.  
And I'm always in taxi-cab  
With driver who no shower!  
_  
Me too! (Princeton)

Me too! (Kate)

I can't even get a taxi! (Gary)

_Everyone's a little bit racist  
It's true.  
But everyone is just about  
As racist as you!  
If we all could just admit  
That we are racist a little bit,  
And everyone stopped being  
So PC  
Maybe we could live in -  
Harmony! _

Evlyone's a ritter bit lacist!

The class just stared at Ichigo before breaking out into laughter. Hearing him do five different voices was highly amusing. Well, most of the class was laughing, some were wondering how Ichigo was appeal to change his voice so much.

Ichigo walked back to his seat and placed his head on his desk. He really didn't like this teacher. He was evil.

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Woot! Ichigo singing is complete. Right….the song is just a song, so don't attack me if you find it to be offensive. But….I love that song, it's so funny and so true…XD.

So, who shall sing next and what shall they sing? It should be something that embarrasses them.


	18. Hablando en Hollow

Eh he...so...I finally decided to write the next chapter of Study Buddies! I've been so lazy...it's not even funny. Then I'm back in school...But whatever, excuses, excuses. You must thank Lynna for this. She's head editor of our schools lit mag, Writes of Wonder, and the fall contest started up, and it got me into a writing mood.

Anyways! Got off the whole Broadway thing for now. Now we do...SPANISH!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Bleach and probably never shall. And I don't own the rights to Vertigo...like I would want to.

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Habalo en Hollow

Rukia looked at Ichigo with expectant eyes. The shinigami had just presented the issue of needing help with the Spanish homework.

"Nope, sorry, I can't help," he said.

"You always say that, but you do help," said Renji.

"But I've told you. I don't know Spanish."

"You have?"

"Yes," said Ichigo looking at Renji as if he was stupid. "When we were learning French."

Renji paused and looked deep in thought. "Oh...yeah..."

"Hey, taichou..." began Matsumoto.

"No," said Hitsugaya flatly.

"But...taichou," Matsumoto whined. "We need to learn the language."

"No. I did it once, and I'm not doing it again."

"B-but..."

"No."

"You're so mean, taichou!"

"..."

"Isn't there anyone else that can teach us?" asked Rukia.

Ikkaku pointed at Yumichika. All eyes turned to him.

Yumichika blanched. "It is true that I do know this beautiful language, but there is no way I'm teaching you!"

"Wha...Why not!?" asked Ikkaku.

"Because I remember the time I taught French. I am not repeating that!"

"So now what are we going to do?" asked Matsumoto.

"I think our best bet is to go with someone who hasn't taught us and knows Spanish," stated Ichigo.

All the shinigami, minus Hitsugaya, looked at one another in confusion. They then turned their heads collectively to Ichigo.

"Who?" they asked.

Ichigo slapped his hand to his face. "...Chad..." he mumbled through his hand.

-30 minutes later at Ichigo's place-

"So, let's begin," said Rukia, as everyone sat in a circle around Chad, except Hitsugaya, who was sitting on the window sill, and Yumichika, who was laying on the bed.

"...zero is cero..." began Chad.

"Oh...that's really close to the English 'zero'," exclaimed Matsumoto.

Chad blinked and continued on. "1 is uno, 2 is dos, 3 is tres, 4 is cuatro..."

"Four sounds the same in Spanish and French," stated Ikkaku.

"I told you that when we were learning French," said Ichigo.

"You did?"

"Yes, I/he did," said Ichigo and everyone else.

"...You think I'm stupid, don't you?"

Ichigo and Hitsugaya nodded while they rest shifted their eyes anywhere but Ikkaku.

Chad gave that one look he has when he is mildly surprised and asked, "Can I continue?"

"Yes!" said Rukia, eager to learn more so she could better fool the people.

"...5 is cinco, 6 is seis, 7 is siete, 8 ocho, 9 neuve, 10 diez, 11 once, 12 doce, 13 trece, 14 catorce..."

"Hey...fourteen in..." began Ikkaku.

"We know!" everyone exclaimed.

"Uno, dos, tres, catorce..." Renji muttered under his breath.

"15 is quince..."

"Hey, that sounds similar to Quincy," said Matsumoto.

"...um...sure..." said Chad. (AN: hee...I just realized that cause Ichigo is one and 5, or fifteen. And there is a lot of '15' in Bleach. um...yeah...) "16 is diecisèsis, 17 diecisete, 18 dieciocho, 19 diecineueve, 20..." Chad paused. The others were looking at one another or blankly at Chad.

"Uh...those last four seem really different then the rest," said Rukia.

"...Not really. It's just dieci and the number (AN: I have no clue if that's right or not.)..."

"Oh...so diecisete is...10 and 7," asked Renji.

"...yeah..."

"Okay then," Renji said with understanding.

"20 is veinte, 21 is veintiuno, 22 is veinte y dos, 23..."

"Wait, why is 22 different than 21," asked Ikkaku, because he just couldn't comprehend that.

"...it just is..."

"What!? I mean...isn't there a better explanation!!"

"..no.."

"W-!" A pillow connected with Ikkaku's head.

"Please stop yelling, it is so not beautiful," said Yumichika.

"...23 is veinte y tres, 24 is veinte y cuatro, 25 veinte y cinco, 26 veinte y seis, 27 veinte y siete, 28 veinte y ocho, 29 veinte y neuve..."

-25 minutes later-

The group had made it up all the way to 98 with only a few...mishaps. Such as Ikkaku being pelted with pillows for his 'ugly' yelling, or that's what Yumichika said.

"99 is noventa y neuve, and 100 is cien."

"Um...I've been meaning to ask this for a while, but what does 'y' mean?" asked Matsumoto.

"...and..."

"Really?"

"Yes, 38 is treinta y ocho, 30 and 8."

"Oh..." said Matsumoto as the realization dawned on her.

"Hey, Chad...how do you spell 'and' in Spanish, because I think I wrote it wrong," stated Renji.

"y."

"Y?!" Is that all!?!" Cue flying pillow.

"Yes..."

"That means I _was_ spelling it wrong!"

"yeah..."

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Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!! It's done! Now I need to get back in the habit of updating somewhat regularly. Hopefully.

Welcome to the Black Parade! Yesh, me ish loser. :3

Oh, it's so short cause I'm lazy and don't feel like typing up all the numbers in Spanish. Plus...Chad isn't as excitable as the others...so...yeah...

Haha...nearly forgot to tell what the title means. It means, Talking in Hollow. Get it?


End file.
